Reader's feedback, May 2003
Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters
on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect
the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...)
indicate deleted portions.
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email address in the header of their mail, not to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!
Date: Tue, 27 May 2003
(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.)
Just wanted to say I reckon it's good that your site exists,
that there's at least one place on the web where people can
talk calmly and sensibly about spanking. Makes a HUGE difference
from other sites where so-called adults just keep yelling abuse
and insults at each other all the time and where they don't u
nderstand the VERY REAL DIFFERENCE between kids who're spanked
and kids who are being physically abused or beaten.
I'm a 13 year old Aussie girl who still gets spanked sometimes
by my mum (3 times in the last 12 months). Dad doesn't spank
me cos he reckons it's 'not appropriate' for him as a bloke to
be smacking me as a girl...but mum's a lot stricter and calmer
about stuff like this anyway.
As much as I worry about getting the actual spanking at the
time, knowing mum's prepared to spank me when I need it makes
me feel very secure, safe, loved and cared for, like if mum's
gonna go ahead and spank me then I know for sure she's really
gotta care about me and how I'm behaving and must take her
responsibility towards me and being my mum very seriously. I
know all that anyway but sometimes the demons from my past come
back to haunt me (I'm adopted after having been badly neglected
for the first 5 years of my life), then I get pretty insecure
and start thinking mum and dad can't really love me this much,
they can't really love me enough to want to be my 'forever'
parents so I start acting out BIG time to force them to 'prove'
to me just how seriously they're prepared to take their role
as my parents. After 7 years and lots of trial and error and a
few huge mistakes along the way in dealing with me and my
insecurity driven bad behaviour, mum and I both know the fastest,
most effective, most reliable way for her to banish the demons
for me, make me feel secure again and convince me that she and
dad are VERY serious about being my 'forever' parents is for mum
to spank me.
Mum and dad got to adopt me when I was 5 cos my birth parents
had always severely neglected me. Even at 5, I remember thinking
I wish my (birth) parents cared enough about me to spank me but
even then I knew it'd never happen with my birth parents cos it
would've all been far too much bother for them. I always knew that
I wasn't worth that much effort to them. I wasn't worth ANY effort
to them, I was just something that got in the way of their own
lives and was to be ignored, abandoned and left to run wild. When
mum spanks me, it makes me feel that she cares enough about me
to notice what I'm doing and she thinks I'm worth the time, effort
and energy it takes to spank me. I get loads of reassurance from
just knowing that mum's prepared to spank me when it's needed and
I guess I do cling to spanking like it's some sort of security
blanket but with my past, I feel it's a security blanket that I need.
Other punishments just do NOT work anywhere near as well when
I'm acting out cos I feel insecure and desperately need and want
my mum to convince me that it's OK and safe for me to trust her
(and dad) to be there for me no matter how obnoxious and difficult
I might be being at the time. Other punishments just make me feel
more insecure and further away from my parents and therefore if
anything, they make me behave worse still. Spanking hurts a bit
at the time but in the long run, it makes me feel closer to my
mum and A MILLION TIMES MORE SECURE. (and No, I don't care how
screwed up the anti-spanking mob'll say that makes me!!! I am
screwed up but that is the fault of my birth parents and what
they did to me in the first 5 years of my life NOT the fact that
I sometimes get a few taps on the bum from my mum nowadays.)
I have no idea where or when I first heard about spanking but I
do know that by the time I was 5, I was always trying to get my
brothers or other kids to spank me. As a little kid I was always
desperate to know that someone cared about me enough that they
could be bothered to spank me. I think I knew from seeing other
kids getting the odd smack from their loving, caring, 'normal'
parents and I knew these other kids got the occasional spanking
but they had parents who cared far more for them and treated them
much better and with more interest and affection than my birth
parents were ever gonna feel towards me. It's still the 'test'
I depend on to tell if an adult really does care about me and if
it's really worth me trusting them. I NEED to know that mum cares
about me enough that she's willing to risk upsetting me by spanking me.
I was really relieved to find out there are still other teenagers
out there who are still getting spanked cos I was starting to get
really worried that now I'm 13, I'm too old for this but I know
I'm nowhere near ready to let it go just yet. I reckon parents
should just go on spanking their kids until their own kid lets
them know they're ready for them to stop. I think it's something
that's very personal and individual and something that's between
a child and his/her parents and no-one else.
Found this quote:' Corporal Punishment is merely one element in
an ongoing dialogue between parent and child...the manner in
which it is administered is less important to the child than the
spirit in which it was delivered.'
Reckon that is SO true. Getting spanked by an adult who you love,
respect and trust, in a safe, secure, supportive environment,
when you understand what's happening and why is NOTHING like
getting a spanking from someone who's your parent in name or
genetics only. I don't reckon any adult should be spanking a
child unless they're sure they already have that strong emotional
bond between them esp if it's an older child or a teenager cos
it is a pretty intimate thing for us and you do feel very
vulnerable and exposed (emotionally as well as physically) when
you're being spanked. You've got to know and feel and believe
that you can 100% trust the person who's doing the spanking.
I also reckon little kids should always be spanked over their
mum or dad's lap cos it makes it less scary for them and it lets
them know it really is their behaviour and not them that's the
problem and that mum and dad are still on their side and I think
older kids should get the choice. Some kids can find it too cold
and calculating and unpersonal if they don't have some sort of
physical contact between them and their parent, some of us still
need that extra bit of reassurance when we're spanked.
I think making it so formal is weird but. Being made to stand
in the corner with your pants down afterwards is weird and I'm
sorrry but stuff like baby oil and water is just out and out
sick but maybe this is all a difference between being Australian
and being American. An awful lot of what seems to go on in American
families, homes, schools, relationships, society as a whole seems
excessively formal and uptight to us, as Aussies. As for having
a written contract with your parents...it would NEVER occur to
me that I need to make or sign a written contract with my parents
over ANYTHING that happens in our relationship. Mum just takes
me into my room (or somewhere else that's gonna be absolutely
private), tells me why I'm gonna get spanked and then gets on
with it. Then when she's done spanking me, she leaves me alone
to calm down. When I was little she used to hold me to calm me
down but now I'm older, I just wanna be left on my own for a bit
immediately afterwards so I can sort things out in my own head
for myself so now she leaves me alone and waits for me to approach
her when I feel I'm ready then that's our time to sit down together
on our own and talk about why I did whatever and why she spanked
me for it and for having a cuddle and just generally making up
with each other.
Anyway I just wanted to say that not all kids who're spanked are
being abused or left traumatised or damaged by the experience and
I think it's the quality of the whole relationship between a child
who is spanked and the parent who does the spanking that really
matters most and not simply if particular parents choose to spank
their kids or not. That's all I, as a genuine kid who gets the
odd spanking from a parent I totally and absolutely trust (even
when she gets mad at me!!! :-) ), wanted to say.
BTW, You needn't bother to hide my e-mail address. I really am
who (and what) I say I am, so I don't care who out there sees it
and might recognise me. I have no need to want or feel I have to
hide behind the anonymity of the internet or behind an anonymous
computer screen so there's absolutely no reason or need for me
not to be identifiable.
Date: Tue, 20 May 2003
Dear Spank with Love
Let me introduce myself I am a 16 year old boy from Buffalo, NY. (...)
My parents arenít very strict at all and let me and my sister
get away with pretty much anything even series stuff, I usually just get a
lecture and then itís all forgotten after an hour or so. Needless to say I
feel bad after doing it but I donít stop I guess because of peer pressure
and being with my friends.
One day I went over to my sisters friends house
to pick her up and walk her home. Her friendís older brother who is my age
and is some of my classes is a real good student and kid, he never does
anything bad and always gets good grades. Anyways I went over to pick up
my sister and her friends mother invited me in because my sister and her
friend where not done playing yet. So I sat in the living room and waited,
her mother excused herself and said she had to go do something. A few
minutes later I heard s loud smacking sound coming from down the hall that
went on for a bit then the mother came back to keep me company wile I
waited. I asked what happened and she said she had to spank J(...) the
older son for something he had done before I arrived. Well anyway I picked
up my sister and went home.
I was surprised to find out that J(...) was spanked since I thought he was
such a good kid but I realized that was probably why and I started
wondering weather it might work for me. So I decided to look on the
internet and found your web site, I was surprised to see how many other
people my age where still spanked well I read through your web site and
decided that getting spanked by my parents was what I needed to set me
The next day I went over to my sisters friends house to talk to
her mother who I am actually decent friends with, she is only 29 so I
relate to her much more than other older adults. I told her about my
situation and she was surprisingly understanding and told me that she would
be willing to talk to my parents with me about it. She was curious as to
how I came to the decision and I showed her your web site, she was very
interested and commended it on its good non-bias coverage of the subject.
I asked her how she punished her son and she told me she used the hairbrush
for less series things and the cane for more series ones, she had a list of
rules that she and J(...) agreed on and it was all very loving. I thanked
her for everything and she said to come over again any time and tell her
when I wanted her to talk to my parents. Anyway so here I am and I have to
figure out what to say and how to do it, I donít know what implements I
should suggest. Any input would be greatly appreciated sorry for such a
long letter I look forward to hearing from you.
Date: Tue, 20 May 2003
i am a teenage boy of 14 years old and I dont think that grounding
does anything. I think a spanking should be more appropriate but i
dont know how to bring it up or how my parents would react to it.
help me out please how should i start out this conversation.
Subject: Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my son
Date: Tue, 20 May 2003
(Note: for background, see the letter dated May 13, 2003)
Dear Spank with Love!
I would first of all like to thank you for sending
such a thoughtful response to the e-mail that my son
J(...) sent to you.
I realize that you do not agree with (or approve of)
my method of giving my children a slap across the
face, instead of a spanking. I feel that older
children (especially girls) should not be spanked on
their bottoms, and especially not on their bare
bottoms. A teenage girl is almost a woman and her
bottom is becoming a very private part of her body. I
feel that spanking her bare bottom is an invasion of
this very private part of her body.
Yes indeed teenagers sometimes don't listen to
anything a parent tells them to do, and can also at
times answer a parent back with a real fresh mouth.
When this happens with one or both of my children,
they first get a warning. And that warning is very
clear: Cut it out or I will give you a smack! If they
don't cut it out, I then let them have a good slap. I
only slap them once, but I make that slap really
There are no hard feelings because they know that they
deserved what they got.
In my family the older children have always been
treated this way. I was, right through college. So was
my sisters and my brother. And so were my cousins. In
turn my sisters, my brother and all my cousins all
smack their children when needed.
Most children act up more in public because they feel
that they can get away with more. My children know
that a smack can be given anywhere, even in church.
When either J(...) or his sister acts up in the
supermarket, I'll tell them: "go ahead keep it up and
you'll be wearing a nice red hand-print on your face".
Once a child knows that a parent will slap on the
spot, then the warning is usually enough to get them
to behave, but if it isn't, then I will give him or
her a good crack!
A smack also lets a parent deal with the problem on
the spot, and to get instant results.
I do however think that your web-site is excellent,
and I am all for spanking younger children on their
bare bottoms. We just disagree on how older children
should be handled.
Date: Tue, 13 May 2003
Dear spanking website,
I am 11 and a half and my sister
M(...) is 14. We live with our mom since dad died 4
years ago. Mom used to spank us on our butts when we
were little but since we are now bigger she now gives
us a smack in the face instead when we act fresh or
answer her back. I know that you say on your website
that parents should not do this, but I would rather
get smacked in the face than have her pull down my
pants and spank my bare butt like she use to do. My
sister feels the same way. She only smacks us when we
really deserve it.
Yes sometimes it can be a bit
embarrassing like on Saturday when we were all riding
in the car on the way to the mall. M(...) and me
were fighting all the way there in the car. Mom told
us to cut it out a few times, but we kept on fighting.
So when mom stopped the car while waiting to park she
gave us both a good smack. So both of us then had to
walk around the mall with a red handprint on our faces
which of course seemed like it took forever to fade
away. And every one who came close to us had to see
the handprint and knew that we both got smacked. Yes
that can be embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as
having mom spank our bare butts. So I think that when
kids get older a smack in the face may be a better way
to punish instead of spanking.
Subject: spanked my cousin
Date: Mon, 12 May 2003
hi about 14 years ago my cousin l(...) was really cheeky to me and pinched some
cigs off me. i spanked her across her bottom and bare legs until she cried and
begged me to stop. she said she would tell her mum but never did. she is 29 now and
still respects me. i love her to bits and she loves me too but understands that
Date: Sat, 10 May 2003
I think you have a well thought out website that will be helpful to those
parents who believe that corporal punishment is right for their child.
I believe that corporal punishment is an appropriate punishment for some (but
not all boys). My 10 year old son S(...) has been punished with a vigorous
smacked bottom since he was seven years old. When he was seven, he would get
between 10 and 20 firm smacks. Now he is in double figures S(...) typically gets
between 20 and 40 hard smacks as punishment sometimes more. These spankings
happen 2-3 times a month during term time and sometimes more frequently
especially during the longer school holidays when boredom can lead to more
naughtiness than usual. Most of my spanking techniques were learnt the hard way
on the receiving end as a boy. I make the punishments a big event. S(...) is
sent to his bedroom and then a little while later I go upstairs to administer
the punishment. Inevitably I sometimes arrive back from work to find S(...)
waiting for punishment. Once I enter the room to punish S(...) there is a brief
discussion about why he is being punished and then it is to business. I sit on
his bed while he takes his trousers and underpants off. He then puts himself
across my lap, his left hand trapped between his body and mine, his right wrist
held by my left hand to keep him still whilst he is being punished. The
spanking is administered after I pull his shirt to his shoulders at about one
swat per two seconds so that he can feel each smack fully. After the punishment
his bottom is well reddened but the application of a cold wet flannel in the
bathroom removes some of the sting so he is normally down stairs within a few
minutes to say sorry although he is cautious about sitting for the rest of the
day. His bottom is still slightly pink and tender the next morning if he has
had a big spanking but he prefers to be spanked rather than be grounded for more
than a day and thinks some of his other friends would as well.
Date: Fri, 9 May 2003
Children should only be spanked when they are guilty of what
I call major misbehavior. They should be given a good sound
bare bottom spanking. This should be given in love and because
the parent feels the spanking is the punishment that will best
stop the behavior from occuring again. A child should not be
spanked in anger.
I think is also okay to give a teenager a good sound bare
bottom spanking. However again only for major misbehavior.
The spanking shouldn't be given to embarrass the teenager
and the bottom also shouldn't be bared if the purpose is to
embarrass the teenager.
The spanking should be on a bed, administered with the hand,
and no more than 5 slaps.
Date: Tue, 6 May 2003
I am a teenage girl and I do some pretty bad things. I
feel that sometimes grounding is too much and I would
rather be spanked. I also think sometimes I need to be
corrected by getting a spanking because it will teach me
a better lesson. Please send me more ideas on how to
introduce it as a punishment in my life and how it would
be done so I can make sure it is the right choice for me
and take the next step by talking to my parents.
Thanks a lot...please don't publish my email address on
your website, you can use my letter though.
Subject: Re: It Worked I Think
Date: Sun, 4 May 2003
(Note: For background, read this sender's
mails from Sep-06-2002, Sep-11-2002 and Sep-13-2002)
It's been around 8 months since I last wrote to you
about leaving your site on my computer so my mother
would find it and the following agreement with her on
future punishments. I'm now going on 17 and the
agreement expired after 6 months. Since both my
mother and father were so impressed with the results
it is still in force with some modifications.
My father became much more involved after our last
emails. He became the one that gives most of the
spankings I got or get still. Mom only stepped in if
he was gone for a while. Since I was used to doing
most anything I wanted and getting away with it before
this first started I got a lot more spankings than I
thought I ever would in the first couple of months.
The first modifications came then too as they thought
spanking alone wasn't getting through to me. The
implemented shore groundings or restrictions after a
spanking. Like only a couple of days or so but it
really got me mad. If I argued too much about it, it
only resulted in a worse spanking and another day or 2
Well I still get spanked for just about everything
even bedtime, but it's not often I don't have to be to
bed that early anyway. And my curfews depend on who
I'm with and what I'm doing. Getting all A's now so
it's kinda expected of me too.
The strangest thing just happened 2 days ago though.
Dad came in my room when I was getting ready to go to
bed. We talked a while and he asked me how I've been
doing, keeping up with homework, doing what I'm
supposed to and all. He told me what a great kid I
was and how glad he and mom are about the way I've
turned around in the last few months.
Then he said it's been a long time since I've been
punished for anything. He said he and mom thought
maybe I should start getting what he called
maintenance spankings. I said I didn't think I need
that. He said it's only to clear up things I may have
done and didn't get caught at and/or to remind me of
what will happen if I do something. Well I protested
and made the mistake of raising my voice pretty loud.
Dad sat down on my bed and yanked my pj bottoms down
and next thing I knew I was over his lap getting
spanked. He gave me 30 with his hand for raising my
voice to argue with him.
After he was done he did something he's never done
before..he led me to a corner and made me stand there
holding my pajama top up. My bottoms were down around
my ankles. Then he sat down on the bed again and
lectured me. Stuff about parents authority, making
sure I grow up right. He asked lots of questions too.
Did I think I was too old for spankings? I said no
sir. He said I won't be as long as I live with them.
He asked if I still had any arguments against getting
spanked on a weekly basis. I about fell...I said "how
about once a month, sir?" Then he said maybe we could
work on a compromise later.
That was it the told me to come over to the bed, he
pulled me over his lap and gave me 20 more spanks and
said that was my first maintenance spanking. He said
we would discuss frequency of them when he, mom and I
were all together. Then he let me up and after I
pulled up my pj's he hugged me and told me what a good
son I was again.
Well anyway I thought you would like to know how
things were going. Pretty good till now again. Guess
it will be ok, I'm going for a month apart though,
sounds like they have made up their minds it's going
to happen anyway.
Wow !! It worked too well I think.
Subject: my story
Date: Sat, 3 May 2003
I dicided i should tell my story, because may help others.
In 1991 at the age of 27 I did something really bad. It is
so bad I won't tell you what I did. I only tell you why I
did it and it made me feel. I did it because it was fun
and desirable for a short season. I knew it was wrong, but
it was fun for awhile. However that summer I stop doing
because it was wrong. I also asked God to forgive which I
knew he did. However that was not enough to stop the guilt
feeling that lasted for years.
That fall I had a strong desired to be spank. I was hoping
a trip over someone knee for 5 to 10 hard swats would ease
the guilt I had inside of me. Looking back I am so glad
the Internet was not around because I would have looked for
someone to spank me.That probably would of not been safe.
I did ask some to do it, but he told me to grow up. It is
really hard to say if a spanking would have been helpful,
or hurtful. I think if it had been done loving care way,
where the spanker explain to me afterward to learn to
forgive myself, it would have been helpful. It been 12
years and I have learned to forgive myself and not do it again.
I believe there are many adults that believe they have done
something so bad they need a spanking. I think they need
to have at least one person in their life who understand
those feeling and can help them work through them. I also
hope they care enough to spank them , if that person is so
deterimine to get spank they are willing to find a spanker
on the web. Even though they may need to forgive themself
far more than a spanking. I think it is better for an adult
to believe they need a spanking than to feel the can do
anything they want, without any concern on how thier behave
effects others.However I know it is wrong for someone to act
bad just to provoke someone to spank them. The very childish.
I know many people think it is childish for an adult to desire
a spanking. I think it's can be a sign of remorse. If a
15-year-old can be so remorsable that they desire a spanking
why can't a 35-year-old feel the same was. I think adults
that believe they need a punishment spanking need love and
understand for more than to be told to grow up.
Date: Sat, 3 May 2003
From what I've read, spanking is very effective and I plan
to use it on my kids when I'm grown. But currently I'm 12
years old, and I do things that deserve a spanking, like
sass, don't do stuff I'm supposed to. But my parents don't
spank, and I REALLY wish they did because I would really
like to know the feeling-over the knee, bare bottom, spanked
hard until I'm bawling.
Date: Sat, 3 May 2003
I'm a fourteen year old girl and I live in Colorado. When I
was seven, I went off the street to ride my bike after my mom
told me not to but she left and I asked my dad. I had promised
my friend I would come over that night. I soon noticed it was
getting really dark and I went home only to find my dad out on
the front porch, and he started screaming at me. He spanked me
once as I was going upstairs and I was in such distress that I
went out on my roof and jumped off. I snuck out and wandered
around for a few hours, finally going back home. My dad didn't
talk to me for at least a week.
I think you can tell that my dad is a pretty angry man. He
only had to spank me that once, and I know it could have been
better for us if he had not. My older brother has been spanked
multiple times, in the same fashion, and I have been ridiculed
and beat up for the last 12 years because he's an angry person.
He's shoved me down stairs and swung knives at me. More then
I love life, my friends, and my school. My teacher, Mr. T.,
has done more then help. He got me into counseling after I
told him what home was like for me. Recently, I threatened to
commit suicide and my counselor had a meeting with my parents.
Home has never been great, and no one understands the pain I've
felt there from my brother and dad.
I'm one of the more sensitive kids I know. Please make sure you
know how sensitive your children are, and talk with them. It
was the hardest thing to tell my dad how much pain he had put
me through, how I don't love him, but I'm only grateful towards
him for my possessions. How I've been sneaking out at night
since I was seven to scream in the streets my pain, how I have
nightmares not about monsters, but about him. Just because he
spanked me and yelled when I was seven years old.
A person who signed last month asked for an opinion of a real
child. I am a real child, and this is my view on spanking.
Never do this to your kids.
I'm grateful for my friends and Mr. T., because without them,
I might not be writing this. I'm looking over this and it
almost sounds like a mellow drama, but it's completely true.
My life has been transformed because my dad thought it's be a
good idea for him to smack my butt and tell me off. Please
be careful with your children.
Send your feedback to email@example.com
Last update: May-30-2003