Reader's feedback, May 2003


Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the email address in the header of their mail, not to spankwithlove@hotmail.com. Thanks!
 


 
From:    rv_v407@yahoo.com.au
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Thoughts.....
Date:    Tue, 27 May 2003

(Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.)

Hi.

Just wanted to say I reckon it's good that your site exists, that there's at least one place on the web where people can talk calmly and sensibly about spanking. Makes a HUGE difference from other sites where so-called adults just keep yelling abuse and insults at each other all the time and where they don't u nderstand the VERY REAL DIFFERENCE between kids who're spanked and kids who are being physically abused or beaten.

I'm a 13 year old Aussie girl who still gets spanked sometimes by my mum (3 times in the last 12 months). Dad doesn't spank me cos he reckons it's 'not appropriate' for him as a bloke to be smacking me as a girl...but mum's a lot stricter and calmer about stuff like this anyway.

As much as I worry about getting the actual spanking at the time, knowing mum's prepared to spank me when I need it makes me feel very secure, safe, loved and cared for, like if mum's gonna go ahead and spank me then I know for sure she's really gotta care about me and how I'm behaving and must take her responsibility towards me and being my mum very seriously. I know all that anyway but sometimes the demons from my past come back to haunt me (I'm adopted after having been badly neglected for the first 5 years of my life), then I get pretty insecure and start thinking mum and dad can't really love me this much, they can't really love me enough to want to be my 'forever' parents so I start acting out BIG time to force them to 'prove' to me just how seriously they're prepared to take their role as my parents. After 7 years and lots of trial and error and a few huge mistakes along the way in dealing with me and my insecurity driven bad behaviour, mum and I both know the fastest, most effective, most reliable way for her to banish the demons for me, make me feel secure again and convince me that she and dad are VERY serious about being my 'forever' parents is for mum to spank me.

Mum and dad got to adopt me when I was 5 cos my birth parents had always severely neglected me. Even at 5, I remember thinking I wish my (birth) parents cared enough about me to spank me but even then I knew it'd never happen with my birth parents cos it would've all been far too much bother for them. I always knew that I wasn't worth that much effort to them. I wasn't worth ANY effort to them, I was just something that got in the way of their own lives and was to be ignored, abandoned and left to run wild. When mum spanks me, it makes me feel that she cares enough about me to notice what I'm doing and she thinks I'm worth the time, effort and energy it takes to spank me. I get loads of reassurance from just knowing that mum's prepared to spank me when it's needed and I guess I do cling to spanking like it's some sort of security blanket but with my past, I feel it's a security blanket that I need.

Other punishments just do NOT work anywhere near as well when I'm acting out cos I feel insecure and desperately need and want my mum to convince me that it's OK and safe for me to trust her (and dad) to be there for me no matter how obnoxious and difficult I might be being at the time. Other punishments just make me feel more insecure and further away from my parents and therefore if anything, they make me behave worse still. Spanking hurts a bit at the time but in the long run, it makes me feel closer to my mum and A MILLION TIMES MORE SECURE. (and No, I don't care how screwed up the anti-spanking mob'll say that makes me!!! I am screwed up but that is the fault of my birth parents and what they did to me in the first 5 years of my life NOT the fact that I sometimes get a few taps on the bum from my mum nowadays.)

I have no idea where or when I first heard about spanking but I do know that by the time I was 5, I was always trying to get my brothers or other kids to spank me. As a little kid I was always desperate to know that someone cared about me enough that they could be bothered to spank me. I think I knew from seeing other kids getting the odd smack from their loving, caring, 'normal' parents and I knew these other kids got the occasional spanking but they had parents who cared far more for them and treated them much better and with more interest and affection than my birth parents were ever gonna feel towards me. It's still the 'test' I depend on to tell if an adult really does care about me and if it's really worth me trusting them. I NEED to know that mum cares about me enough that she's willing to risk upsetting me by spanking me.

I was really relieved to find out there are still other teenagers out there who are still getting spanked cos I was starting to get really worried that now I'm 13, I'm too old for this but I know I'm nowhere near ready to let it go just yet. I reckon parents should just go on spanking their kids until their own kid lets them know they're ready for them to stop. I think it's something that's very personal and individual and something that's between a child and his/her parents and no-one else.

Found this quote:' Corporal Punishment is merely one element in an ongoing dialogue between parent and child...the manner in which it is administered is less important to the child than the spirit in which it was delivered.'

Reckon that is SO true. Getting spanked by an adult who you love, respect and trust, in a safe, secure, supportive environment, when you understand what's happening and why is NOTHING like getting a spanking from someone who's your parent in name or genetics only. I don't reckon any adult should be spanking a child unless they're sure they already have that strong emotional bond between them esp if it's an older child or a teenager cos it is a pretty intimate thing for us and you do feel very vulnerable and exposed (emotionally as well as physically) when you're being spanked. You've got to know and feel and believe that you can 100% trust the person who's doing the spanking.

I also reckon little kids should always be spanked over their mum or dad's lap cos it makes it less scary for them and it lets them know it really is their behaviour and not them that's the problem and that mum and dad are still on their side and I think older kids should get the choice. Some kids can find it too cold and calculating and unpersonal if they don't have some sort of physical contact between them and their parent, some of us still need that extra bit of reassurance when we're spanked.

I think making it so formal is weird but. Being made to stand in the corner with your pants down afterwards is weird and I'm sorrry but stuff like baby oil and water is just out and out sick but maybe this is all a difference between being Australian and being American. An awful lot of what seems to go on in American families, homes, schools, relationships, society as a whole seems excessively formal and uptight to us, as Aussies. As for having a written contract with your parents...it would NEVER occur to me that I need to make or sign a written contract with my parents over ANYTHING that happens in our relationship. Mum just takes me into my room (or somewhere else that's gonna be absolutely private), tells me why I'm gonna get spanked and then gets on with it. Then when she's done spanking me, she leaves me alone to calm down. When I was little she used to hold me to calm me down but now I'm older, I just wanna be left on my own for a bit immediately afterwards so I can sort things out in my own head for myself so now she leaves me alone and waits for me to approach her when I feel I'm ready then that's our time to sit down together on our own and talk about why I did whatever and why she spanked me for it and for having a cuddle and just generally making up with each other.

Anyway I just wanted to say that not all kids who're spanked are being abused or left traumatised or damaged by the experience and I think it's the quality of the whole relationship between a child who is spanked and the parent who does the spanking that really matters most and not simply if particular parents choose to spank their kids or not. That's all I, as a genuine kid who gets the odd spanking from a parent I totally and absolutely trust (even when she gets mad at me!!! :-) ), wanted to say.

BTW, You needn't bother to hide my e-mail address. I really am who (and what) I say I am, so I don't care who out there sees it and might recognise me. I have no need to want or feel I have to hide behind the anonymity of the internet or behind an anonymous computer screen so there's absolutely no reason or need for me not to be identifiable.

Thanks.

Rebecca.
 


 
From:    a...@phayze.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Hello
Date:    Tue, 20 May 2003

Dear Spank with Love

Let me introduce myself I am a 16 year old boy from Buffalo, NY. (...)

My parents arenít very strict at all and let me and my sister get away with pretty much anything even series stuff, I usually just get a lecture and then itís all forgotten after an hour or so. Needless to say I feel bad after doing it but I donít stop I guess because of peer pressure and being with my friends.

One day I went over to my sisters friends house to pick her up and walk her home. Her friendís older brother who is my age and is some of my classes is a real good student and kid, he never does anything bad and always gets good grades. Anyways I went over to pick up my sister and her friends mother invited me in because my sister and her friend where not done playing yet. So I sat in the living room and waited, her mother excused herself and said she had to go do something. A few minutes later I heard s loud smacking sound coming from down the hall that went on for a bit then the mother came back to keep me company wile I waited. I asked what happened and she said she had to spank J(...) the older son for something he had done before I arrived. Well anyway I picked up my sister and went home.

I was surprised to find out that J(...) was spanked since I thought he was such a good kid but I realized that was probably why and I started wondering weather it might work for me. So I decided to look on the internet and found your web site, I was surprised to see how many other people my age where still spanked well I read through your web site and decided that getting spanked by my parents was what I needed to set me straight.

The next day I went over to my sisters friends house to talk to her mother who I am actually decent friends with, she is only 29 so I relate to her much more than other older adults. I told her about my situation and she was surprisingly understanding and told me that she would be willing to talk to my parents with me about it. She was curious as to how I came to the decision and I showed her your web site, she was very interested and commended it on its good non-bias coverage of the subject.

I asked her how she punished her son and she told me she used the hairbrush for less series things and the cane for more series ones, she had a list of rules that she and J(...) agreed on and it was all very loving. I thanked her for everything and she said to come over again any time and tell her when I wanted her to talk to my parents. Anyway so here I am and I have to figure out what to say and how to do it, I donít know what implements I should suggest. Any input would be greatly appreciated sorry for such a long letter I look forward to hearing from you.
 


 
From:    a...@sbcglobal.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Tue, 20 May 2003

i am a teenage boy of 14 years old and I dont think that grounding does anything. I think a spanking should be more appropriate but i dont know how to bring it up or how my parents would react to it. help me out please how should i start out this conversation.
 


 
From:    p...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my son
Date:    Tue, 20 May 2003

(Note: for background, see the letter dated May 13, 2003)

Dear Spank with Love!

I would first of all like to thank you for sending such a thoughtful response to the e-mail that my son J(...) sent to you.

I realize that you do not agree with (or approve of) my method of giving my children a slap across the face, instead of a spanking. I feel that older children (especially girls) should not be spanked on their bottoms, and especially not on their bare bottoms. A teenage girl is almost a woman and her bottom is becoming a very private part of her body. I feel that spanking her bare bottom is an invasion of this very private part of her body.

Yes indeed teenagers sometimes don't listen to anything a parent tells them to do, and can also at times answer a parent back with a real fresh mouth.

When this happens with one or both of my children, they first get a warning. And that warning is very clear: Cut it out or I will give you a smack! If they don't cut it out, I then let them have a good slap. I only slap them once, but I make that slap really count.

There are no hard feelings because they know that they deserved what they got.

In my family the older children have always been treated this way. I was, right through college. So was my sisters and my brother. And so were my cousins. In turn my sisters, my brother and all my cousins all smack their children when needed.

Most children act up more in public because they feel that they can get away with more. My children know that a smack can be given anywhere, even in church. When either J(...) or his sister acts up in the supermarket, I'll tell them: "go ahead keep it up and you'll be wearing a nice red hand-print on your face". Once a child knows that a parent will slap on the spot, then the warning is usually enough to get them to behave, but if it isn't, then I will give him or her a good crack!

A smack also lets a parent deal with the problem on the spot, and to get instant results.

I do however think that your web-site is excellent, and I am all for spanking younger children on their bare bottoms. We just disagree on how older children should be handled.

Yours truly,

L(...)
 


 
From:    i...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)
Date:    Tue, 13 May 2003

Dear spanking website,

I am 11 and a half and my sister M(...) is 14. We live with our mom since dad died 4 years ago. Mom used to spank us on our butts when we were little but since we are now bigger she now gives us a smack in the face instead when we act fresh or answer her back. I know that you say on your website that parents should not do this, but I would rather get smacked in the face than have her pull down my pants and spank my bare butt like she use to do. My sister feels the same way. She only smacks us when we really deserve it.

Yes sometimes it can be a bit embarrassing like on Saturday when we were all riding in the car on the way to the mall. M(...) and me were fighting all the way there in the car. Mom told us to cut it out a few times, but we kept on fighting. So when mom stopped the car while waiting to park she gave us both a good smack. So both of us then had to walk around the mall with a red handprint on our faces which of course seemed like it took forever to fade away. And every one who came close to us had to see the handprint and knew that we both got smacked. Yes that can be embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as having mom spank our bare butts. So I think that when kids get older a smack in the face may be a better way to punish instead of spanking.

J(...)
 


 
From:    k...@amserve.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spanked my cousin
Date:    Mon, 12 May 2003

hi about 14 years ago my cousin l(...) was really cheeky to me and pinched some cigs off me. i spanked her across her bottom and bare legs until she cried and begged me to stop. she said she would tell her mum but never did. she is 29 now and still respects me. i love her to bits and she loves me too but understands that discipline works.
 


 
From:    a...@fsmail.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Submission
Date:    Sat, 10 May 2003

Hi

I think you have a well thought out website that will be helpful to those parents who believe that corporal punishment is right for their child.

I believe that corporal punishment is an appropriate punishment for some (but not all boys). My 10 year old son S(...) has been punished with a vigorous smacked bottom since he was seven years old. When he was seven, he would get between 10 and 20 firm smacks. Now he is in double figures S(...) typically gets between 20 and 40 hard smacks as punishment sometimes more. These spankings happen 2-3 times a month during term time and sometimes more frequently especially during the longer school holidays when boredom can lead to more naughtiness than usual. Most of my spanking techniques were learnt the hard way on the receiving end as a boy. I make the punishments a big event. S(...) is sent to his bedroom and then a little while later I go upstairs to administer the punishment. Inevitably I sometimes arrive back from work to find S(...) waiting for punishment. Once I enter the room to punish S(...) there is a brief discussion about why he is being punished and then it is to business. I sit on his bed while he takes his trousers and underpants off. He then puts himself across my lap, his left hand trapped between his body and mine, his right wrist held by my left hand to keep him still whilst he is being punished. The spanking is administered after I pull his shirt to his shoulders at about one swat per two seconds so that he can feel each smack fully. After the punishment his bottom is well reddened but the application of a cold wet flannel in the bathroom removes some of the sting so he is normally down stairs within a few minutes to say sorry although he is cautious about sitting for the rest of the day. His bottom is still slightly pink and tender the next morning if he has had a big spanking but he prefers to be spanked rather than be grounded for more than a day and thinks some of his other friends would as well.

Regards
 


 
From:    b...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: sPANKING
Date:    Fri, 9 May 2003

Children should only be spanked when they are guilty of what I call major misbehavior. They should be given a good sound bare bottom spanking. This should be given in love and because the parent feels the spanking is the punishment that will best stop the behavior from occuring again. A child should not be spanked in anger.

I think is also okay to give a teenager a good sound bare bottom spanking. However again only for major misbehavior. The spanking shouldn't be given to embarrass the teenager and the bottom also shouldn't be bared if the purpose is to embarrass the teenager.

The spanking should be on a bed, administered with the hand, and no more than 5 slaps.
 


 
From:    p...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spankings
Date:    Tue, 6 May 2003

I am a teenage girl and I do some pretty bad things. I feel that sometimes grounding is too much and I would rather be spanked. I also think sometimes I need to be corrected by getting a spanking because it will teach me a better lesson. Please send me more ideas on how to introduce it as a punishment in my life and how it would be done so I can make sure it is the right choice for me and take the next step by talking to my parents.

Thanks a lot...please don't publish my email address on your website, you can use my letter though.

S
 


 
From:    b...@yahoo.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: It Worked I Think
Date:    Sun, 4 May 2003

(Note: For background, read this sender's mails from Sep-06-2002, Sep-11-2002 and Sep-13-2002)

Hello SWL

It's been around 8 months since I last wrote to you about leaving your site on my computer so my mother would find it and the following agreement with her on future punishments. I'm now going on 17 and the agreement expired after 6 months. Since both my mother and father were so impressed with the results it is still in force with some modifications.

My father became much more involved after our last emails. He became the one that gives most of the spankings I got or get still. Mom only stepped in if he was gone for a while. Since I was used to doing most anything I wanted and getting away with it before this first started I got a lot more spankings than I thought I ever would in the first couple of months. The first modifications came then too as they thought spanking alone wasn't getting through to me. The implemented shore groundings or restrictions after a spanking. Like only a couple of days or so but it really got me mad. If I argued too much about it, it only resulted in a worse spanking and another day or 2 of restriction.

Well I still get spanked for just about everything even bedtime, but it's not often I don't have to be to bed that early anyway. And my curfews depend on who I'm with and what I'm doing. Getting all A's now so it's kinda expected of me too.

The strangest thing just happened 2 days ago though. Dad came in my room when I was getting ready to go to bed. We talked a while and he asked me how I've been doing, keeping up with homework, doing what I'm supposed to and all. He told me what a great kid I was and how glad he and mom are about the way I've turned around in the last few months.

Then he said it's been a long time since I've been punished for anything. He said he and mom thought maybe I should start getting what he called maintenance spankings. I said I didn't think I need that. He said it's only to clear up things I may have done and didn't get caught at and/or to remind me of what will happen if I do something. Well I protested and made the mistake of raising my voice pretty loud. Dad sat down on my bed and yanked my pj bottoms down and next thing I knew I was over his lap getting spanked. He gave me 30 with his hand for raising my voice to argue with him.

After he was done he did something he's never done before..he led me to a corner and made me stand there holding my pajama top up. My bottoms were down around my ankles. Then he sat down on the bed again and lectured me. Stuff about parents authority, making sure I grow up right. He asked lots of questions too. Did I think I was too old for spankings? I said no sir. He said I won't be as long as I live with them. He asked if I still had any arguments against getting spanked on a weekly basis. I about fell...I said "how about once a month, sir?" Then he said maybe we could work on a compromise later.

That was it the told me to come over to the bed, he pulled me over his lap and gave me 20 more spanks and said that was my first maintenance spanking. He said we would discuss frequency of them when he, mom and I were all together. Then he let me up and after I pulled up my pj's he hugged me and told me what a good son I was again.

Well anyway I thought you would like to know how things were going. Pretty good till now again. Guess it will be ok, I'm going for a month apart though, sounds like they have made up their minds it's going to happen anyway.

Wow !! It worked too well I think.

Sincerely
 


 
From:    a...@aol.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: my story
Date:    Sat, 3 May 2003

I dicided i should tell my story, because may help others. In 1991 at the age of 27 I did something really bad. It is so bad I won't tell you what I did. I only tell you why I did it and it made me feel. I did it because it was fun and desirable for a short season. I knew it was wrong, but it was fun for awhile. However that summer I stop doing because it was wrong. I also asked God to forgive which I knew he did. However that was not enough to stop the guilt feeling that lasted for years.

That fall I had a strong desired to be spank. I was hoping a trip over someone knee for 5 to 10 hard swats would ease the guilt I had inside of me. Looking back I am so glad the Internet was not around because I would have looked for someone to spank me.That probably would of not been safe. I did ask some to do it, but he told me to grow up. It is really hard to say if a spanking would have been helpful, or hurtful. I think if it had been done loving care way, where the spanker explain to me afterward to learn to forgive myself, it would have been helpful. It been 12 years and I have learned to forgive myself and not do it again.

I believe there are many adults that believe they have done something so bad they need a spanking. I think they need to have at least one person in their life who understand those feeling and can help them work through them. I also hope they care enough to spank them , if that person is so deterimine to get spank they are willing to find a spanker on the web. Even though they may need to forgive themself far more than a spanking. I think it is better for an adult to believe they need a spanking than to feel the can do anything they want, without any concern on how thier behave effects others.However I know it is wrong for someone to act bad just to provoke someone to spank them. The very childish. I know many people think it is childish for an adult to desire a spanking. I think it's can be a sign of remorse. If a 15-year-old can be so remorsable that they desire a spanking why can't a 35-year-old feel the same was. I think adults that believe they need a punishment spanking need love and understand for more than to be told to grow up.
 


 
From:    d...@shentel.net
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: Feedback
Date:    Sat, 3 May 2003

From what I've read, spanking is very effective and I plan to use it on my kids when I'm grown. But currently I'm 12 years old, and I do things that deserve a spanking, like sass, don't do stuff I'm supposed to. But my parents don't spank, and I REALLY wish they did because I would really like to know the feeling-over the knee, bare bottom, spanked hard until I'm bawling.
 


 
From:    s...@indra.com
To:      spankwithlove@hotmail.com
Subject: spanking
Date:    Sat, 3 May 2003

I'm a fourteen year old girl and I live in Colorado. When I was seven, I went off the street to ride my bike after my mom told me not to but she left and I asked my dad. I had promised my friend I would come over that night. I soon noticed it was getting really dark and I went home only to find my dad out on the front porch, and he started screaming at me. He spanked me once as I was going upstairs and I was in such distress that I went out on my roof and jumped off. I snuck out and wandered around for a few hours, finally going back home. My dad didn't talk to me for at least a week.

I think you can tell that my dad is a pretty angry man. He only had to spank me that once, and I know it could have been better for us if he had not. My older brother has been spanked multiple times, in the same fashion, and I have been ridiculed and beat up for the last 12 years because he's an angry person. He's shoved me down stairs and swung knives at me. More then sibling rivalry.

I love life, my friends, and my school. My teacher, Mr. T., has done more then help. He got me into counseling after I told him what home was like for me. Recently, I threatened to commit suicide and my counselor had a meeting with my parents. Home has never been great, and no one understands the pain I've felt there from my brother and dad.

I'm one of the more sensitive kids I know. Please make sure you know how sensitive your children are, and talk with them. It was the hardest thing to tell my dad how much pain he had put me through, how I don't love him, but I'm only grateful towards him for my possessions. How I've been sneaking out at night since I was seven to scream in the streets my pain, how I have nightmares not about monsters, but about him. Just because he spanked me and yelled when I was seven years old.

A person who signed last month asked for an opinion of a real child. I am a real child, and this is my view on spanking. Never do this to your kids.

I'm grateful for my friends and Mr. T., because without them, I might not be writing this. I'm looking over this and it almost sounds like a mellow drama, but it's completely true. My life has been transformed because my dad thought it's be a good idea for him to smack my butt and tell me off. Please be careful with your children.

Sincerely,
 


 



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Last update: May-30-2003