Reader's feedback, Mar 2006

Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the email address in the header of their mail, not to Thanks!

Subject: (none)
Date:    Friday, April 28, 2006

Hi my name is m(...). I am seventeen and still spanked. I have to be on all fours in my underwear. I wear whitey tighties and it is a little embarrassing for me. My mom is the only one who spanks me and I dont know if I should still just submit to her and take my spanking or what. If you have any advice of what i should do please let me know. She has never really spanked me in public or in front of any of my family but it still really hurts and is totally embarrasing.

... She will generally have me go to my room. I immediatly know just to take my pants down and get on my hands and knees. I will generally wait there for a few minutes and when I hear her getting closer I will raise my butt in the air. She will explain to me why I am going to get spanked and then she will tell me how many times I will get spanked. She will only use a cane or a belt for the punishment. I know that I often deserve it but is there an age were spanking is not okay? I dont know?

Subject: Your Website
Date:    Monday, April 24, 2006

I understand your site has disclaimers on it, but i feel that your content and your promotion of child abuse (yes, that IS what many decent minded AND Christian people will think to your site) is way out of order. I can't believe you are allowed to display some of the pages you show because they are truly appalling. I really object to the way you dress up what is abuse by using the heart symbol, in fact it really disgusts me. You have no right to try and persuade potential and existing parents that your way is right in the way you do. And i just wondered, the images on your site, are they supposed to be funny? Because I find them downright tasteless and offensive.

Subject: links
Date:    Thursday, April 20, 2006

Dear SWL,

I appreciate your website. It has helped me to handle the confusion I've felt from past experiences of spanking my two daughters as younger children. As a Social Worker, I've had the opportunity to be exposed to many, many cultural ways - particularly learning about corporal punishment within the African American culture. I have come to appreciate the necessity of using spanking in an appropriate manner and certainly in great restraint.

As a parent, I'm now grappling with the potential need to discipline my 16 year old daughter. She has become a person I hardly recognize at times. She has been in treatment for alcohol and drug abuse; she has been in counseling for an anxiety disorder and for a codependent relationship. She also developed a shop-lifting habit. She has never been caught by anyone other than myself. I've made a contract with her regarding this habit and since that time, she has done it only once. I'm hoping it will never re-occur. However I've decided to use spanking as a consequence should it occur again. I don't think I need to warn of this consequence as we have a contract in place. She used to be a very good child and I hope she will regain her balance. She has not been spanked since she was 9 years old and that was the only time since she was 7 1/2 years old. So, you see, I don't use spanking very often. I do see it as a viable option through the entire childhood journey - if only as a serious threat to deter negative behavior.

I've studied this parenting method quite a bit in part thanks to your website. I'm grateful for all the feedback you have on your site.

I'll let you know should I have to follow thru and what the results are.


Subject: (none)
Date:    Thursday, April 20, 2006

I just wanted to leave a few comments to opposers of spanking-

I noticed a few messages from people stating they oppose spanking because of it being abusive, and because it promotes violence. I just wanted to leave a few thoughts from personal experience. I want to stress the difference between abusive hitting and controlled spanking. My parents never spanked me out of anger or frusteration, nor did they use any harsh implements. When I committed an offense, they sent me to my room and let themselves cool down first Then they came into my room and gave me a light spanking. It hurt enough, but never too much. I never felt embarrassed or afraid of my parents, and I never saw it as abuse. I think it was an appropriate punishment.

What is abusive is when parents smank their kid out of anger or frusteration. I also believe it is abusive to use harsh implements or leave any marks of any kind. What DOES promote violence is when parents loose their temper and smack or slap their kid. Their kid sees this behavior, and tries the same thing on his or her friends when they tick him or her off. A controlled spanking, which I described above, does NOT promote violence because it teaches their kid to NOT act out of anger. Again, it is not abusive either. I just wanted readers to see the difference.

Subject: Maximum age
Date:    Saturday, April 8, 2006

I wonder if I am alone in being concerned at the number of letters in your "Reader's Feedback" from adults who want to be spanked. Spanking is a punishment for children, administered by parents within the context of a loving relationship. I do not have a problem about the spanking of pre-teen children. Nor do I have a problem about the occasional spanking of teenagers in the way outlined on this website. That is, there is some sort of agreement between parents and teens, whether written or spoken. But, I ask myself, up to what age can or should this continue?

Normally, I should expect spankings to cease when one of the following occurs: the person is old enough to get married; the person is in full-time employment; the person has ceased full-time education. I appreciate that these will vary and are different, but they would at least suggest that an independent adult has passed the maximum age.

What lies behind the adult requests that SWL has published? I suggest three possibilities: a desire to regain a lost parent/child relationship; guilt about unpunished events in the past; and guilt about unpunished events in the present. Finally, I shall mention a fourth.

On the first, one must simply accept that childhood has passed. Parent/child relations are now very different. Physical touch, with skin-to-skin contact can continue, but no longer will it be hand-on-bottom. Perhaps the best answer is to try to increase the physical contact, with many more hugs, kisses, etc.

I have much sympathy about a desire to deal with guilt and the past. The problem is this. After a long period of the guilt feeling, a single spanking, however painful, will not work. Spanking can deal with guilt when given at the time, but it is not a healing answer several years later.

What about guilt in the present? I seriously wonder if a spanking would help. "If I behave like a child, I should be punished like a child". The trouble is that I am no longer a child. It might clear the air, but there are considerable dangers, not least because of possible sexual overtones.

Finally (my fourth point), I have a lot of sympathy for some loving parents who are having disciplinary problems with a child. Their hands are no longer sufficient and a paddle (for instance) is going to be introduced. Before using it, a parent may want to know what it feels like. They may never have been at the receiving end or, if they were, it was many years ago! Perhaps this is the only situation in which it may be right for an adult to be spanked, but it is not a punishment in itself. A married couple, agreed on what to do with their children, might try the paddle out on each other. The lone parent has more of a problem, of course.

What would I say to an adult who, in spite of all my cautions, still wants to be spanked? Because of the danger of sexual overtones, except in marriage, only be spanked by someone of the same sex. Do not expect that someone else will spank you on the bare bottom. If you disagree with these two points, then beware! Your motives are sexual.

Never pay someone else to spank you. Only ask someone that you know well and can trust completely. It's not difficult to ask someone with children how they bring them up and how they would deal with a naughty teenager. From there, it is a matter of listening to what the other person says. But try never to force another person to do something contrary to their wishes - you'll ruin your friendship!

Last words. Grow up! You are no longer a child; you are an adult, with all the privileges and responsibilities that come with adulthood.


(from the U.K.)

Subject: System for minor misbehaviors
Date:    Friday, March 17, 2006

Thought you might be interested in this system that we have used with our boys.

This is a system that is based on something my gradeschool teacher used for behavior in the classroom and it is really just a modified point system. We use it to handle the minor (but more frequent) misbehaviors associated with being an active kid. We of course don't punish for minor things but do want to hold our boys accountable for their choices. This system does that. It probably works best for children in the 6-12 year-old range.

It works like this. At the end of each month (or time of your choosing) we give each of our boys a ruler. It's simply a strip of paper marked off in ten squares (or whatever number seems to work for your family) along its length. One could even make a project where each child colored their own ruler or even wrote reminders on it. We just print them up from the computer. They get tacked up on the cork board in the kitchen for easy family access. Then when there is minor misbehavior, the child is told to clip (or tear) one (or sometimes two) square from the ruler. We note the offending behavior on the back of the square and store them in a ziplock bag (one for each child) for later reference (see below). This way the children and parents have a visual marker of "general behavior" and can adjust accordingly. If the last square is clipped from the ruler, a predetermined penalty is imposed (in our family it's a moderate spanking) and the child is given a new ruler. When the penalty is imposed, we pull out the ziplock bag and review the misbehaviors with the child. Sometimes certain types of misbehaviors become evident and those can be discussed. We focus the discussion on how misbehaviors can be avoided in the future and generally try to be encouraging. At the end of each month, each child gets a new ruler. We also take the opportunity to review the misbehaviors recorded on any ruler squares during the month and encourage them to improve next month. After the discussion we, together with the child, tear up the ruler squares with recorded misbehaviors and throw them in the trash. Additionally, any child that has an intact ruler at the end of the month is given a big reward. A smaller reward is given to any child with only 1-3 square removed. If a child goes through more than one ruler in a month, we will increase the penalty a bit each time (e.g. more spanking). We really like this system and it is even something that sitters can use (once it is explained).

Thanks for a helpful site. I wish it included a discussion board.


Subject: (no subject)
Date:    Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Hi,my names m(...) i'm a 13 yr old girl living with my dad in england. He said last week i'm getting to big for my boots, things like swearing, being late and all that sort of stuff. Untill now he's punished me by making me skip tv or grounding me. We agreed that wasn't working though, and we said perhaps spanking was best. It was kinda both of our ideas. I said i'd read about that sort thing on the 'net and to my surprise he'd actualy visited your site. He said for me to look at it and then we could decide how to do it. We decided that it would be be done in his bedroom over a chair. For serious things he said 10 swipes jeans down over my knickers. For little things 10 swipes, with jeans up and he said always with a belt. I agreed because i love him to bits and knows he loves me more. We agreed if i done realy bad stuff, like started drinking or smoking, he would belt me about 15-20 times bare bottomed. On sunday he said he said that cos i'd got away with so much stuff the last few months i needed a good spanking to help me get off to a clean slate. I went to his room after i was in my night shirt and ready for bed and he belted me hard 10 times. it realy stung and hurt. THen we hugged for like ages then watched a nice dvd before i went to bed. I know this is done with love, cos dad don't want me to end up like a lot of teenagers on drugs and stuff. You can put my e-mail address on with this letter, cos i'd like to know and hear from other girls or boys if this works or from parents, i do have dads permission, thanx, M(...).

(From England. Note: e-mail address not published because of our under-16 policy.)

Subject: spanking
Date:    Thursday, March 2, 2006

the desire to be spanked has been in my mind since i was ten years old. having been spanked often by my dad the hairbrush ruled in our household. they were given otk bare and they rerally hurt. this punishment procedure was effective and i rarely got a whipping for the misbehavior remembering what i would have to face. a little girl lived upstairs in the apartment and one day as we played in the yard she told me her mother had spanked her hard and would i like to see her red bottom. we found a vacant apartment and in the bath room was a hairbrush on top of the toilet tank. she dropped her bathing suit and showed me her poor bottom which was still on fire. i felt sorry for her and suggested she spank me (misery loves company) she agreed and while she sat on the toilet seat i lowered my tank top and went over her knees. she spanked me with the hairbrush but stopped when asked and my bottom was red. we both continued this game for fun and finally got caught in the act by her mother who promptly gave each of us a real whipping. from that time on i searched for girls who liked to be spanked and after i got married we agreed on consentual spanking when needed for discipline. it sure beats long drwan out arguing or periods of. complete silence a spanking lasts fifteen minutes and all is forgotten. try it.


Last update: Jul-19-2006