Reader's feedback, Feb 2006

Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Some people request non-anonymization to allow other readers to send them feedback. If you want to reply to these people, please send your reply to the email address in the header of their mail, not to Thanks!

Subject: Teenage spanking
Date:    Saturday, February 18, 2006

I have only just found your website, and I would like to tell you my story. My name is p(...), and I live in England. I Am 17 years of age. Two years ago I was failing badly at school, and I was also coming to the attention of the police. I was commiting minor acts of vandalism such as writing graffiti on the bus shelter near my home. My parents found out about my behaviour when I came home with a very poor school report, and my Mother went to my school to find out what was happening. As a result of that visit my mother grounded me. I Was only allowed out to go to school. I had to return straight home from school,and do my homework. I was also made to do a lot of extra work to make up for the school work that I had missed out. On top of this I was not allowed to watch t.v. or use a computer. This continued for three weeks before my mother was satisfied that I was making an effort to improve my behaviour. My Father worked away from home, so it was up to my Mother to discipline me.

After the initial three weeks my Mother sat me down for a good talking to. She told me that my school work must continue to improve, and that my behaviour in general must also improve. She would allow me to have some of my privaliges back, but I would have to earn my free time. I would not be allowed out to just hang out I would have to find legitimate passtimes, and obtain my Mothers permission to attend them. I agreed with my Mother that I had been out of order, and promised to mend my ways. I told my Mother that I would like to join a swimming club which was near by, Mother agreed that I could join the club, and attend twice a week. I would have to pay for it out of my savings. Mother told me that she would review the situation in three weeks, and if all was well she would take over the payment for my swmming classes.

After the three weeks were up Mother called me into the living room for another talking to. She said that she was satisfied with my general improvement, but was alarmed to have found out about my near misses with the police. Mother told me what she had heard about one graffiti incedent, and asked me if it was true. I Told her that it was, and admitted to the rest of my crimes. These amounted to three seperate incidents which had happened several months before. Mother listened to me, and said that she was shocked, and upset by my admission. She had been about to tell me that she was pleased with my behaviour, and tell me that she was going to pay for my swimming classes. However she would now have to reconsider this. So she told me that she would have to sleep on it, and speak to me the next day.

I felt guilty about the situation I had really let every body down. The next day Mother called me into the living room, and sat me down. She said that she had been punishing me for the past two months, and was satisfied with my overall improved behaviour. She told me that she had been looking forward to letting up on me, but felt that I still deserved to be punished severley for my scrapes with the police. Mother asked me how I felt about it. I told Mother that I was very sorry, and that I did deserve to be punished further. Mother told me that she did not want to have to keep on supervising my every move as it took up too much of her own spare time. So she asked me for my idears for a suitable punishment. I asked how she would have been punished if she misbehaved in such a way when she was my age. Mother told me that she would have been caned severley at school, and then given agood hiding at home for the graffiti incedents.

I suggested that mother punished me in the same way in order to wipe the slate clean. I was quite nervous as I said it, as I had never been hit by my parents before. Mother told me that she would thrash me later on that evening, and that I would have to take it without any struggling. She also told me that it would be very painful, then she sent me out to the shops buy some groceries. I returned an hour later, and Mother called me into the utility room at the side of the house. It is a large room where we keep the washing machine, and the freezers. She was waiting for me, she had a garden cane, a leather belt, and an old size nine plimsol. Mother told me that she was ready to deal with me. She told me to empty my pockets, and then bend over the table, which was used as a work bench. Mother gave me four hard strokes of the cane. The cane made aloud sound as each stroke landed, but it did not hurt very much. Mother saw this, and put the cane down. She told me that she was going to use the plimsol, again this made a lot of noise, but it didnt really hurt. After five strokes mother put the slipper down, saying that it was not really effective. Mother told me to stand, and face her then she told me hold out my left hand. She told me that Iwas to recieve three strokes on each hand. Iwatched as Mother brought the strap down hard on my left palm. It stung a bit, but it didnt really hurt. Another two strokes followed with the same result. Mother told me to hold out my right hand; then repeated the process.

With the punishment over Mother took me into the living room. She looked at me, and saw that I was not hurt by my punishment. Mother told me that she was not satisfied with her efforts, told me to undress. I did as Iwas told. I was unable to hide my obvious excitement as I stood naked in front of my Mother. I was then led over to the sofa, and told to bend over. Mother gave me twelve hard strokes with the belt. The first few stung, but by the fourth stroke it hurt a lot. Mother carried on slowly until she had given me the agonising twelvth stroke. Satisfied Mother put the belt down, and sent me to my room. A little while later I was called into the living room, and Mother told me that she would begin to lift the restrictions, but was going to keep the belt instead. This has been used three times snce then, and I am still liable to recieve it. I Passed seven G.C.S.E. exams, and I am studying for a levels part time. I also have a full time job in the civil service.

(from England)

Subject: Report
Date:    Friday, February 17, 2006

Dear SWL

I am the Jo who has written to you several times. I thought you might be interested in an update on the position from last summer.

Although I got the university of my choice I did not find university easy. I don't mean the work which I could handle easily. I mean the behaviour of other students and the peer pressure which I found very hard indeed. There was a lot of pressure to get drunk, do drugs and engae in casual sex which I didnot like. I am not saying that I did none of those things just that I did not like it.

I then received a mail from a man who wrote via your site. He wrote to congratulate me and express approval and admiration for the spanking contract I made with my parenst before going to University. We had a prolonged exchange and I expressed a desire to have another spanking contract to keep me out of trouble at Uni. Eventually I saw the impracticality of such a contract and left Uni just before Christmas. I live at home again and have a good job and study part time. I have now signed another spanking contract with my parents. I should emphasise that this is my choice in order to help me live th elife I want to lead.

I dare say others will think me very odd but honestly I don't care. This life is good for me.

My other e-mail address is now closed and i am using my Dad's. I did write to a girl who sent a letter to your site perhaps you would let her know about the change.


Subject: RE: pro spanking website?
Date:    Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Although you seem to view things differently, I have noticed that there is often a chip-on-the-shoulder attitude among those with an anti-spanking agenda. Although it may be no greater than those who truly are pro-spanking, it seems to be more antagonistic in tone. An example is - or was, before apparently withdrawing from the field - Chris Dugan. (Several months ago you published a Reader Feedback e-mail extolling his virtues.)

As an instructor at a community college and using a university e-mail address - where he was once a student - Dugan made a big splash in the Internet a decade ago. He ran an anti-spanking website and started an alternative newsgroup designed to attract parents.

The newsgroup was little more than an ambush. Some of the more prominent posters had ties to public education and thought that homes must follow the lead of schools in abolishing spanking. Still others seemed to carry heavy psychological baggage from childhood. It was as if they were still doing battle with their parents!

Not surprisingly, then, there was no debate. Instead there was attack. Seemingly normal parents were accused of everything from physical abuse to pedophilia for merely suggesting that spanking sometimes might be a good idea. Parents on the fence over spanking were immediately labeled as pro-spanking, or worse, if they did not immediately recant and repudiate spanking.

The questionable research of Murray Straus was taken as gospel by Dugan and his cohorts. Dugan acted as high priest and treated any questioning of Straus' motives or methodology as blasphemy!

The last time I visited the alternative website, it seemed to have disintegrated. Dugan was nowhere to be found.

Chris Dugan encapsulates the eternal state of the anti-spanking movement in that, even as it falls apart, it still searches for enemies. The SFGate article seems to reflect that need to find an enemy - even where none exits.

My take on the article is that an anti-spanking - and most probably childless - writer needed a convenient windmill to charge and, not willing to let a few facts stand in the way of a good story, chose you as her windmill of the day.

Until next time, keep up the good work. I wish that you had been around when our children were young. You are a Godsend to parents.

Subject: Your website
Date:    Monday, February 13, 2006

Well done. Keep up the good work.


Subject: Question
Date:    Friday, February 10, 2006

(Note: this mail is not anonymized on special request.)

A few years ago I allowed you to post a couple of letters from me on your site. Each one says my email However I am deleting this email today. I would hate for people to write me and not get through in vain. Please feel free to either delete my email and leave the message or just the whole thing. Thank you.

Subject: Feedback
Date:    Thursday, February 9, 2006

Dear sir or mam, I have to say that I just spent the last hour looking at your website and although I disagree with almost everything you say, literally, I feel that your heart is in the right place. I feel you truly believe you are doing the right thing, although I quite frankly diasagree. I saw a father today pick up his daughter by her arm (about 7 years old) and spank her in the middle of Sears. I had my 2 year old with me and I had to hurry and redirect her attention so she would not see that violence. I was appauled. Therefore I decided to go and do some reasearch on child abuse in america...I came across your site. Although, I don't think what you are talking about is abuse, it is scary to me to read some of the feedback. I hope it's 13 year olds playing a prank, because if people really do beat their kids like it is stated in your feedback, America has a lot of work to do to stop this sick cycle of abuse. A tap on the child's bottom for running into the street is one thing...reading that feedback about different positions, instrauments, teenagers...I felt sick. Your heart might be in the right place, but many of your readers are sick people that truly need help. Half of those emails need to be sent straight to social services. It's sick. And, if you believe what you're righting is true, you would agree that those feedback emails ARE abuse and those children are innocent victims----you have an obligation to those silent victims; because you can help; you have their emails and they would listen to you- because they consider you an 'expert'.

Subject: Spanking techniques.
Date:    Monday, February 6, 2006

When a person getís spanked, only her pants or shorts should be pulled down. Her underwear must remain on during the process. Thatís how it is where I live at in Alabama. There, a person will be spanked with her underwear on, esp. she has an accident and her underwear will catch her accident, although sheíll feel it.

Subject: fun times
Date:    Thursday, February 2, 2006

hello , one time i got in trouble at school and as soon as i got of the bus right in the front yard my mother and my sister striped all my cloths off and then spanked me right in front of everyone there


Last update: May-07-2006