Reader's feedback, Feb 2002

Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...) indicate deleted portions.

Subject: (none)
Date:    Sat, 23 Feb 2002

I'm a 14 year old girl who still gets an occasional spanking. My Mother died when I was 2 and I have been raised by my Father and our live-in nanny. My nanny has never been allowed to spank me, only my Dad. I hate to admit this, but spanking works in our house. My Dad never spanks me for the first infraction, he talks to me, or grounds me, or takes away priviledges. If all of those measures fail, then I get a spanking. I don't think I have ever been spanked twice for the same offense.

The spankings themselves are awful. I get spanked over my Father's knee with my panties down, he always uses a hairbrush. I think he spanks hard, but I have never been left with bruises, I don't feel abused. I know he spanks me out of love. After the spanking, he holds me until I stop crying and we talk about why he had to give me the spanking.

Its okay that my Dad spanks me, I love him very much. I know that when he spanks me its my fault that I am experiencing pain, not his. If I hadn't made bad choices, I wouldn't need to be punished.

The worst spanking I ever got was during Christmas vacation last year. I lied to my Dad. I told him that I was staying all night with a friend that he approves of, and I really stayed all night with a friend whose parents my Dad thinks are too permissive and neglectful. I lied because I knew he would never consent to my staying with the friend whose parents he disapproves of. I felt terrible about my deception, so, in tears, I confessed. He held me and told me that he was proud of me for telling him what I had done, but that I had done something I knew was wrong and that he had no choice but the punish me. It was the first spanking I had gotten in almost 2 years. I was sobbing long before it started and couldn't stop crying for about an hour after it was all over. He spanked me long and hard that night, but I'll never even consider doing anything like that again. My Dad was 100% right to spank me.

Since that fateful night I have gotten one more spanking, for defiance. Its a bad idea to assert myself and tell my Father "No." I didn't want to do my Science Fair project. After a very hard spanking, I did my project. It would have been much easier not to have told him no.

As long as it is done in love, I think its okay for parents to spank their kids when they need to be spanked.

Subject: Spanking
Date:    Fri, 22 Feb 2002


oh i wish this site was around when i was a teenager, i could used a good spanking around that time, but My parents were not strict enough for me. thanks for the very helpful web site, keep up the good job, providing a place for teenagers to ask for a spanking.

Subject: Conversion to Spanking
Date:    Fri, 22 Feb 2002

"This is how I started using spanking and why I continue to spank:"

Submitted by B... (Mother of Three)

Four years ago our two daughters were ages twelve and nine (and our son was three). We were liberal parents-and adamantly against spanking--I mean zealously, radically, and outspoken. Our twelve year old was adjudicated a delinquent that year. She was constantly truant, smoking, experimenting with alcohol and drugs, and generally out of control. Her younger sister was following in her footsteps.

We were spending a fortune in time and money on counselors, probation officers, psychologists, psychiatrists, summer camps, etc. The situation was only getting worse. The strain was getting to the point where our marriage was profoundly affected and in danger. One of the counselors suggested that we take a long family vacation. We followed her advice. We booked a three week vacation in Disney World.

The first week of vacation was an expensive transfer of our situation. We were really worried because the girls were disappearing to do their own thing at all hours of the day-at least back home we had a general idea where they were.

One day in a tourist trap I noticed one of those novelty paddles. It had the logo: "Applied Psychology!!-grab handle and apply firmly to bare bottom as needed-- use liberally" With our experience with psychology I was amused--but intrigued. I bought the paddle.

When I returned to our hotel room I told the girls about the paddle. The oldest one laughed in my face. At that moment I made the decision to actually use it. After lengthy protests and a brief struggle the paddle was used according to the instructions. Our youngest thought this was amusing and started teasing her sister. She then got her bare bottom paddled. For the rest of the vacation they each got spanked at least once a day-but there was definite improvement--and the last week we actually began to enjoy ourselves as a family.

The spankings continued -but gradually became less frequent. The results were remarkable. Our daughters are no longer juvenile delinquents. The oldest is a straight A student, cheerleader, active in a youth church group. We no longer worry about her younger sister, either. Likewise, she is a good student, involved in girls athletics and many school activities.

The only proof I have that spankings are an important and valid part of child rearing is my own experience. (and of course I no longer try to rationalize away the very specific and clear instructions The Lord gave us on raising children) But I do know that in our case spanking truly did save our family. If I had to do it over spanking would have been a positive and important component of my child rearing practices from day one.

Despite the "conventional wisdom" that this form of discipline and punishment is wrong I am a firm believer. Most of our friends (I am a second grade teacher and my husband is a lawyer) thought we had lost our marbles when we started our strict parenting. But I don't hear many complaints any more. What I do hear is a lot of complaints about their "troubled and obnoxious children."

B... (Mom of three)

Subject: on the bare
Date:    Thu, 21 Feb 2002

I was always spanked on the bare, my most embarrassing was in front of my friends. I have had all of the above but carpet beater and cane. I have seen the rest used on mine, my brothers and sisters. I hope spanking does not become extinct because the moral fiber is decaying.

Subject: Journals
Date:    Mon, 11 Feb 2002

I wonder what your position is on the use of a punishment journal? I found that by making my daughter write down exactly what punishments she got when I was able to to see patterns emerging. One example is the tendency for her to get in big trouble right around the end of long vacations (summer, Christmas) and during the few weeks of school, too. While normally I would have thought to make changes to her punishments (making extra chores last much longer, introducing a larger paddle, that kind of thing) around the time of her birthday, I now make them about three weeks before the end of the summer vacation or a week into Christmas break. I find she starts classes with much less of an eye towards fooling around.

Journal entries include the reason for punishment, whether I imposed the punishment or allowed her to choose between two things, and then a detailed description of the the punishment received (and a short description of the other option if it was her choice), with the date and time it was given. If she got extra punishment for any reason - usually covering her butt with her hands, or something like that - she includes that, too.


(from Madagascar)

Subject: ...
Date:    Sun, 10 Feb 2002

You people are sick. You seem to get a real kick out of slapping your kiddie's bottom. Seek help.

Subject: (none)
Date:    Mon, 04 Feb 2002

Dear Sir,

I found the website interesting and encouraging as it is a matter-of-fact description about spanking. I am myself a young father and so far, I only spanked my daughter in one exceptional circumstance. I was unsure whether I was doing the right thing. It is therefore extremely useful to find a site that discusses this issues so openly and provides good advise on how and in what form do administer a spanking.

It would be very helpful to include a section on offences/situations that warrant a spanking. From my personal experience I always have doubts whether resorting to spanking is sensible although both my wife and I are pretty strict. Usually it is enough to keep them busy or give them a warning. Though, it seems that a spanking could be often more effective. Understanding, when and how other parents resort to spanking would be valuable.

Noticing your section on teenagers I would like to share my own experience and would like to encourage all teenagers to talk to their parents about spanking. It took me a lot of effort to talk to them but once I did, they agreed to a list of rules. We also agreed for which offences I would get spanked thereafter. Accepting these punishments and the spankings really helped me to improve my relationship with them. I also learned to respect them, adhere to rules, and in general to behave much better and also to do well in school. Most importantly I became much more self-disciplined.

My parent never spanked me as a child. When I was around 15, I was quite disrespectful, didnít obey my parents, talked back, did badly in school and was quite unruly in general. At one time the school principal called my father to talk to him about me which triggered a serious conversation at home. The message was that my parents didnít know what to do with me. I felt pretty much the same having often thought that I deserved a serious punishment. Most of my school friends used to get spanked.

I finally asked my parents to spank me because it would help me to improve my behaviour and I really deserved it. My parents were really surprised but thought there were no good alternative. The following weekend my father called me into his study. He had a rod lying on his desk. Since I was never spanked before I became very nervous and very ashamed when my father calmly told me to take off my pants and bend over. I have never been that embarrassed and scared before. I was told to count each spank loudly. I got two dozen spanks with the rod and had welts all over by butt and was almost crying.

After the spanking they showed me a list of rules and offences for which I would be punished. From then on I got spanked whenever I broke the rules or committed any of the offences on the list. In the beginning they almost spanked me every week. On most occasions my mom would tell me that I would get spanked: after dinner. Usually she would administer a caning and give me 6 to 12 smacks on my bare butt. Every single time we followed the same routine in the study. Although it was incredibly embarrassing I had to undress in front of my mom. The cane would leave a lot of marks on my bare butt which was quite difficult to hide at some times. This went on until I was in senior year but with less frequency as I learned to obey the rules.

I knew I had deserved those spankings and it really helped me to mature. I think being spanked as a teen-ager makes a lot of sense as it is very effective (it hurts, and it is incredibly embarrassing). Following these spankings I actually felt better!

I would advise all teenagers who think about telling their parents that it is right for them to be spanked to do so and trust them. Although it really hurts (and a punishment needs to hurt otherwise it does not achieve the desired end) it will ultimately makes you feel better.

Subject: Still Spanked
Date:    Fri, 1 Feb 2002

Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.

I am 17 and my Dad still spanks me. I would like to hear from other Dads and boys regarding their thoughts about this. I feel I am too old, it is humiliating, and the only thing that it accomplishes is making me mad, ashamed and embarressed. I certainly don't want it to happen again, so I try my best to be good. I only get spanked about twice a year and for serious misbehavior. I really try to behave so it doesn't happen all that often. My dad says that as long as I live in his house I am subject to his rules. My grandfather spanked him until he was in his early 20s, so I am afraid that he has the same plans for me. I think me Dad should give me other punishments, but he says that if I misbehave as a child, I will be punished like one. Any advise would be helpful. PS. This is my fathers email, he gave permission to write here, and he said he is willing to discuss any suggestions that come back with me. Thanks a lot.


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Last update: Feb-28-2002