Reader's feedback, Feb 2002
Here are some letters from readers of this website, the newest letters
on top. All e-mail addresses and names have been anonymized to protect
the sender's privacy. Brackets in red (...)
indicate deleted portions.
Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2002
I'm a 14 year old girl who still gets an occasional
spanking. My Mother died when I was 2 and I have been
raised by my Father and our live-in nanny. My nanny
has never been allowed to spank me, only my Dad. I
hate to admit this, but spanking works in our house.
My Dad never spanks me for the first infraction, he
talks to me, or grounds me, or takes away priviledges.
If all of those measures fail, then I get a spanking.
I don't think I have ever been spanked twice for the
The spankings themselves are awful. I get spanked
over my Father's knee with my panties down, he always
uses a hairbrush. I think he spanks hard, but I have
never been left with bruises, I don't feel abused. I
know he spanks me out of love. After the spanking, he
holds me until I stop crying and we talk about why he
had to give me the spanking.
Its okay that my Dad spanks me, I love him very much.
I know that when he spanks me its my fault that I am
experiencing pain, not his. If I hadn't made bad
choices, I wouldn't need to be punished.
The worst spanking I ever got was during Christmas
vacation last year. I lied to my Dad. I told him
that I was staying all night with a friend that he
approves of, and I really stayed all night with a
friend whose parents my Dad thinks are too permissive
and neglectful. I lied because I knew he would never
consent to my staying with the friend whose parents he
disapproves of. I felt terrible about my deception,
so, in tears, I confessed. He held me and told me
that he was proud of me for telling him what I had
done, but that I had done something I knew was wrong
and that he had no choice but the punish me. It was
the first spanking I had gotten in almost 2 years. I
was sobbing long before it started and couldn't stop
crying for about an hour after it was all over. He
spanked me long and hard that night, but I'll never
even consider doing anything like that again. My Dad
was 100% right to spank me.
Since that fateful night I have gotten one more
spanking, for defiance. Its a bad idea to assert
myself and tell my Father "No." I didn't want to do
my Science Fair project. After a very hard spanking,
I did my project. It would have been much easier not
to have told him no.
As long as it is done in love, I think its okay for
parents to spank their kids when they need to be
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002
oh i wish this site was around when i was a teenager, i
could used a good spanking around that time, but My parents
were not strict enough for me. thanks for the very helpful
web site, keep up the good job, providing a place for teenagers
to ask for a spanking.
Subject: Conversion to Spanking
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002
"This is how I started using spanking and why I continue to spank:"
Submitted by B... (Mother of Three)
Four years ago our two daughters were ages twelve and nine (and
our son was three). We were liberal parents-and adamantly against
spanking--I mean zealously, radically, and outspoken. Our twelve
year old was adjudicated a delinquent that year. She was constantly
truant, smoking, experimenting with alcohol and drugs, and
generally out of control. Her younger sister was following in
We were spending a fortune in time and money on counselors,
probation officers, psychologists, psychiatrists, summer camps,
etc. The situation was only getting worse. The strain was getting
to the point where our marriage was profoundly affected and in
danger. One of the counselors suggested that we take a long family
vacation. We followed her advice. We booked a three week vacation
in Disney World.
The first week of vacation was an expensive transfer of our situation.
We were really worried because the girls were disappearing to do
their own thing at all hours of the day-at least back home we had
a general idea where they were.
One day in a tourist trap I noticed one of those novelty paddles.
It had the logo: "Applied Psychology!!-grab handle and apply firmly
to bare bottom as needed-- use liberally" With our experience with
psychology I was amused--but intrigued. I bought the paddle.
When I returned to our hotel room I told the girls about the paddle.
The oldest one laughed in my face. At that moment I made the
decision to actually use it. After lengthy protests and a brief
struggle the paddle was used according to the instructions. Our
youngest thought this was amusing and started teasing her sister.
She then got her bare bottom paddled. For the rest of the vacation
they each got spanked at least once a day-but there was definite
improvement--and the last week we actually began to enjoy ourselves
as a family.
The spankings continued -but gradually became less frequent. The
results were remarkable. Our daughters are no longer juvenile
delinquents. The oldest is a straight A student, cheerleader,
active in a youth church group. We no longer worry about her
younger sister, either. Likewise, she is a good student, involved
in girls athletics and many school activities.
The only proof I have that spankings are an important and valid
part of child rearing is my own experience. (and of course I no
longer try to rationalize away the very specific and clear
instructions The Lord gave us on raising children) But I do know
that in our case spanking truly did save our family. If I had to
do it over spanking would have been a positive and important
component of my child rearing practices from day one.
Despite the "conventional wisdom" that this form of discipline and
punishment is wrong I am a firm believer. Most of our friends (I
am a second grade teacher and my husband is a lawyer) thought we
had lost our marbles when we started our strict parenting. But I
don't hear many complaints any more. What I do hear is a lot of
complaints about their "troubled and obnoxious children."
B... (Mom of three)
Subject: on the bare
Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002
I was always spanked on the bare, my most embarrassing was in
front of my friends. I have had all of the above but carpet
beater and cane. I have seen the rest used on mine, my brothers
and sisters. I hope spanking does not become extinct because
the moral fiber is decaying.
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002
I wonder what your position is on the use of a punishment journal? I
found that by making my daughter write down exactly what punishments she
got when I was able to to see patterns emerging. One example is the
tendency for her to get in big trouble right around the end of long
vacations (summer, Christmas) and during the few weeks of school, too.
While normally I would have thought to make changes to her punishments
(making extra chores last much longer, introducing a larger paddle, that
kind of thing) around the time of her birthday, I now make them about
three weeks before the end of the summer vacation or a week into
Christmas break. I find she starts classes with much less of an eye
towards fooling around.
Journal entries include the reason for punishment, whether I imposed the
punishment or allowed her to choose between two things, and then a
detailed description of the the punishment received (and a short
description of the other option if it was her choice), with the date and
time it was given. If she got extra punishment for any reason - usually
covering her butt with her hands, or something like that - she includes
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002
You people are sick. You seem to get a real kick out of slapping your kiddie's bottom. Seek help.
Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002
I found the website interesting and encouraging as it is a
matter-of-fact description about spanking. I am myself a young
father and so far, I only spanked my daughter in one exceptional
circumstance. I was unsure whether I was doing the right thing.
It is therefore extremely useful to find a site that discusses
this issues so openly and provides good advise on how and in
what form do administer a spanking.
It would be very helpful to include a section on offences/situations
that warrant a spanking. From my personal experience I always
have doubts whether resorting to spanking is sensible although
both my wife and I are pretty strict. Usually it is enough to
keep them busy or give them a warning. Though, it seems that a
spanking could be often more effective. Understanding, when
and how other parents resort to spanking would be valuable.
Noticing your section on teenagers I would like to share my
own experience and would like to encourage all teenagers to
talk to their parents about spanking. It took me a lot of
effort to talk to them but once I did, they agreed to a list
of rules. We also agreed for which offences I would get spanked
thereafter. Accepting these punishments and the spankings really
helped me to improve my relationship with them. I also learned
to respect them, adhere to rules, and in general to behave
much better and also to do well in school. Most importantly
I became much more self-disciplined.
My parent never spanked me as a child. When I was around 15,
I was quite disrespectful, didnít obey my parents, talked back,
did badly in school and was quite unruly in general. At one
time the school principal called my father to talk to him
about me which triggered a serious conversation at home. The
message was that my parents didnít know what to do with me.
I felt pretty much the same having often thought that I
deserved a serious punishment. Most of my school friends used
to get spanked.
I finally asked my parents to spank me because it would help
me to improve my behaviour and I really deserved it. My parents
were really surprised but thought there were no good alternative.
The following weekend my father called me into his study. He
had a rod lying on his desk. Since I was never spanked before
I became very nervous and very ashamed when my father calmly
told me to take off my pants and bend over. I have never been
that embarrassed and scared before. I was told to count each
spank loudly. I got two dozen spanks with the rod and had
welts all over by butt and was almost crying.
After the spanking they showed me a list of rules and offences
for which I would be punished. From then on I got spanked whenever
I broke the rules or committed any of the offences on the list.
In the beginning they almost spanked me every week. On most
occasions my mom would tell me that I would get spanked: after
dinner. Usually she would administer a caning and give me 6 to
12 smacks on my bare butt. Every single time we followed the same
routine in the study. Although it was incredibly embarrassing I
had to undress in front of my mom. The cane would leave a lot
of marks on my bare butt which was quite difficult to hide at
some times. This went on until I was in senior year but with less
frequency as I learned to obey the rules.
I knew I had deserved those spankings and it really helped me
to mature. I think being spanked as a teen-ager makes a lot of
sense as it is very effective (it hurts, and it is incredibly
embarrassing). Following these spankings I actually felt better!
I would advise all teenagers who think about telling their
parents that it is right for them to be spanked to do so and
trust them. Although it really hurts (and a punishment needs
to hurt otherwise it does not achieve the desired end) it will
ultimately makes you feel better.
Subject: Still Spanked
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002
Note: this letter is not anonymized on special request.
I am 17 and my Dad still spanks me. I would like to hear
from other Dads and boys regarding their thoughts about this.
I feel I am too old, it is humiliating, and the only thing
that it accomplishes is making me mad, ashamed and embarressed.
I certainly don't want it to happen again, so I try my best
to be good. I only get spanked about twice a year and for
serious misbehavior. I really try to behave so it doesn't
happen all that often. My dad says that as long as I live
in his house I am subject to his rules. My grandfather
spanked him until he was in his early 20s, so I am afraid
that he has the same plans for me. I think me Dad should
give me other punishments, but he says that if I misbehave
as a child, I will be punished like one. Any advise would
be helpful. PS. This is my fathers email, he gave permission
to write here, and he said he is willing to discuss any
suggestions that come back with me. Thanks a lot.
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Last update: Feb-28-2002