Cooperative children

This page is largely based on a reader's contribution.

Having cooperative children is (sort of) the "ideal case" for spanking with love. It allows giving the spanking in a positive, constructive environment of love and care.

"I think that consistent with the idea that a loving spanking is a shared two-way experience for parent and child, it is worth giving more thought to how to increase the child's involvement. It can only occur when there is an acceptance by the child that spankings are expressions of their parent's love for them and that they are good for them, not only to correct them but as a way in which they can "pay" for their naughtiness and get rid of any tense or guilty feelings they may have. 

Once they understand that, I think that you can go to the next stage of discussing with them what form of spankings will do them the most good and best serve those purposes. This is not to surrender the parent's ultimate authority to decide on when and how to spank, nor should it be seen to compromise the child's obligation to submit to that authority without question. But I have found the input of the children helpful and revealing." 

Below is a list of possible aspects of the spanking which parents may want to let the child decide:

  • does the child have a preference for fewer, harder spankings or more frequent, more moderate ones?
  • who shall give the spanking (mom or dad)
  • ratio of different level spanks: "You can establish with the child different levels of spanks and their equivalence to each other. For example, I administer warm, hot and red hot spanks equal to twelve, six and three spanks respectively. Although I do not usually count the spanks, a spanking could therefore consist of roughly sixty warm spanks, or fiteen red hot spanks, or some combination in between. After setting the seriousness index - for example eighty four warm spanks - I sometimes ask my children what proportions they would like to have the spanking in." Comment: this website recommends to give at most 2-3 times as many spanks as the child's age.
  • with an implement or the hand (usually the hand will be chosen, but some children may prefer an implement because it means the number of spanks will be less)
  • on bare or clothed bottom (a tradeoff between protection and duration/hardness/implement)
  • who takes down the pants
  • the place of the spanking: the child may prefer a particular room, or a particular chair, couch or bed
There is one important thing to say about such an "active involvement". Parents should not force it upon children who are not yet ready for it. It requires a certain maturity, as well as penitence and also some courage. One should be very sensitive not to overstrain the child with choices, especially in the beginning when the child is not used to it. To keep the discussion brief and reasonable, the parent should define clearly what the options are and what is not negotiable.

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Last update: Sep-17-2001