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Spank with Love
spank, v. tr. To slap on the buttocks with a flat object or with the open hand, as for punishment.

love,  n. 1 A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition

Disclaimer 1: Spanking children is a very controversal topic. This website is intended for international audience. The laws concerning the use of parental corporal punishment vary strongly among geographical regions, countries and states. If you live in a place where spanking as a parenting method is generally discouraged or unlawful, this website is not for you - please click here to go back.

Disclaimer 2: This website gives recommendations for parents who choose to use spanking as a parenting tool. It does not encourage, advocate or recommend spanking, but it recommends the replacement of inappropriate forms of spanking by more appropriate ones. If you find this offensive, please click here to go back.


A lot of people today believe that corporal punishment is violent and abusive as such. In their eyes, spanking children as a disciplinary method belongs to the past and should be outlawed in modern society. Other people say that corporal punishment is not necessarily abusive. There are acceptable forms of spanking which can be rated "nonviolent" and "nonabusive" - it depends on how the spanking is given.
    "The critical issue is how spanking (or, in fact, any punishment) is used more so than whether it is used. Physical abuse by an angry, uncontrolled parent will leave lasting emotional wounds and cultivate bitterness and resentment within a child. The balanced, prudent use of disciplinary spanking, however, is an effective deterrent to aggressive behavior with some children." (Dr. Den A. Trumbull, M.D. and S. DuBose Ravenel, M.D)
Why the need for this website? Fact is, in most parts of the world, spanking is still a commonly used parenting tool. However, most parents are uneducated in terms of how to/how not to spank, and many use spanking inappropriately. Who suffers from this lack of information? The children, of course. This website is a first small attempt to help by providing "how to spank" information. It does not discuss whether spanking should be used or not. There are already dozens of other websites and hundreds of books devoted to that question.

Please note that this website is not intended to encourage spanking, but to discourage abusive spanking. The idea is to help reduce child abuse by educating parents. If parents follow the guidelines of this website, they are likely to be on the safe side. Parents who exceed the recommendations given here may hopefully come to realize they are overdoing it.

For theoretical background, please take the time to read the essay "Spare the Rod?", from which the above quotation was taken. For recommendations on the practical aspects of spanking, see the chapters below. For a list of related web resources, see "References and links".

Table of contents:

  1. Definitions
  2. This chapter defines the terms "corporal punishment", "spanking", and "spanking with love".
  3. Statistics
  4. A collection of polls and studies on spanking. How much is spanking used today around the globe?
  5. Dangers of abusive spanking
  6. This chapter describes the physical and emotional dangers of abusive spanking.
  7. Avoiding common mistakes
  8. This chapter explains important basic guidelines on how to use spanking appropriately.
  9. Finding balance
  10. This chapter is on how to balance reward and punishment, and different degrees of punishment.
  11. Spanking implements
  12. This chapter discusses the most common spanking implements.
  13. Spanking positions
  14. This chapter discusses the most common spanking positions.
  15. Spanking techniques
  16. This chapter gives additional "how to" recommendations.
  17. Uncooperative children
  18. This chapter offers some recommendations on how parents can improve cooperation.
  19. Cooperative children
  20. This chapter makes suggestions on how parents can involve cooperative children better.
  21. Teenagers
  22. This chapter discusses the issues regarding spanking older children (teenagers).
  23. Family Agreements
  24. Rules and consequences in contract-like, written form.
  25. Punishment diaries
  26. For parents who are interested in using a punishment diary (journal).
  27. Summary
  28. A brief summary of this website's recommendations.
  29. Off Topic: How can I get my parents to spank me?
  30. Suggestions for teenagers who want to be spanked but aren't.
  31. Off Topic: Poems
  32. Not for serious: spanking-related nursery rhymes and poems.
  33. Off Topic: Light Hearted Spankings
  34. On birthday spankings, play acting and playful spanks.
  35. Off Topic: Spanking Fetishism
  36. Theories on the question whether spanking fetishism is caused by childhood spankings or not.
  37. Reader's feedback
  38. Letters from readers of this website.
  39. The SWL Award
  40. Information on the SWL Award and how to apply for it.
  41. Mirrors
  42. If you're interested in hosting a mirror of this site.
  43. About this website
  44. Some background information on this site.
  45. References and links
  46. Links to related websites and book references.

About this website's logo: The heart-shaped bottom symbolizes the idea that spanking can be in harmony with parental love - if it is done the right way. This, of course, excludes any forms of spanking that are violent, excessive, or otherwise abusive. The green background symbolizes a positive environment of love and care. The surrounding ribbon stands for the emotional bond between parent and child.

This website is a moderated project: everyone can contribute to it. Please send your requests for the addition, deletion, or modification of individual paragraphs to
Last update: Mar-20-2006