Season Four Season Four



"Your turn to sort the laundry."

"So who says clothes make the man?"


"Besides being number one on Tipper Gore's hit list for dirty words, nothing."

"What, you get up on the wrong side of your cage this morning?"

Woman: "You guys don't look like vice."
Logan: "Look like them? We don't even know their phone number."

"What, did she slip you a note instead?"


Woman: "You pray, you know the enemy of God."
Briscoe: "Oh...Satan...El Diablo?"
Logan: "Great. Let's book 'im."QML

"His murder is listed as 'solve after the next Ice Age'."

"Bring the Feds in, it'll take us a week to teach them how to use the subway."

Black Tie

[Scene: Profaci is collecting for a charity walk and asks Logan to feel his leg (to prove he can walk the distance).]
Logan: "Hey, Profaci, don't ask, don't tell." QML

"A lawyer beats us to the body. That's unusual."

"I'm glad I'm not rich enough to know how sick I am."

Pride and Joy

"She'll dance on his grave before she tells us, and she'll jump in with him before she tells us."

"Somebody stop me before the train crashes."

Social worker: "She's angry and taking it out on herself."
Logan: "Don't we all." QML


"You want to stop this crap? Put a fence around the country and run a couple of thousand volts through it."

Church member: "You're a skeptic."
Logan: "Ten years of Our Lady of Mercy'll do that to you."

Logan: " .... and then he fills their minds with a bunch of crap."
Briscoe: "You sure it's crap?"
Logan: "Hey, my mother used to hold a rosary in one hand while she beat the crap out me with the other. The time I go to church, six of my closest buddies'll be carrying me."QML

"Church is stained glass windows and nuns running around with rulers."

American Dream

Lennie: "Corpse got a name?"
Logan: "How 'bout Uncle Fester?"

"How 'bout we toss it to Profaci -- give him something to do besides the donut run."

"Obstructing justice will get you a select number around your neck."

"Bankers -- good candidates for a shallow grave."

"Swann takes them to the cleaners and all they can say is 'Thanks for the starch.'"

Born Bad

"Thieves who lie -- color me shocked."

The Pursuit of Happiness

"The meat business has an odor all its own and it's not always from the cattle."

"All that's missing is an appliance section. This is a Sears catalog for brides."

"I'm the kind of guy who thinks you don't buy women like groceries."

Golden Years

"Was the water spicy too?"


"For a couple of staving artists, these two weren't counting their calories."



"If this doesn't check out, we'll be sending you an invitation, too. Not very chic, but very intime."


"Take a walk, get rained on. Take another walk, you get a bullet through the skull."

"One of these nice parochial schoolboys shot an innocent 14-year-old to death."

Big Bang

"If it's all just going to disappear, what does it matter? If you make sergeant, what kind of car your drive, all the things we worry about."

"My car is made of steel. It doesn't set off a Geiger counter."


[Scene: Detectives and uniformed officers have arrived on the scene of an assault--a woman has severed her husband's penis.]
Cop: "That'll make you keep it in your pants."
Logan: "Let's keep looking...."
Cop: "What'll we do when we find it?"
Logan: "Put it on a leash and walk it down to St. Vincent's."QML

[Scene: penis is found outside in a snowbank, obviously thrown from the window]
Logan: "Let's tack on littering, too." QML

"How white do you think I am?"

Logan: "Put down the burrito, senor."
Perp: "You die!"
Logan: "Only if I eat that thing." QML

"No problem, I'm feeding the animals."


"Who says New York isn't a friendly town?"

"Star athletes -- they used to have ticker tapes thrown at them. Now it's knives and metal batons."

"I don't mind Williams bringing in the big bucks. It's guys who are batting .190 and flying around in their private jets that get to me."

"Hey, last year, police summer finals -- five for five, four RBIs."

"These support groups -- they got one for recovering detectives?"

"Seems like he fell down the twelve steps."



"Ok, so we check pony stables, TV studios, and Big Bird."


"Bring your own donuts."

Tennis coach: "There's a million kooks out there."
Logan: "And that's not counting the other 4 boroughs."QML

"Do you have any other job, Mr. Levitz, besides the fan club?"

"We could krazy glue his feet to the floor and it still wouldn't hold him."

"He's sucking on a lollipop, waiting for his lawyer."

"So you read the sports section, but you don't look at the pictures?"

Old Friends

"Steve Green? Immigrants from where, Scarsdale?"

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