Trio of heroes dedicated to truth and justice...

The Samurai Pizza Cats


Savage competitor who has destroyed all who have dared to oppose him...

Bill Goldberg

Click here to activate Goldberg's Theme.

The Scenario

The Big Cheese, in yet another attempt to gain political power, concots a nefarious scheme: Enter Bad Bird as a participant in the World Championship Wrestling Heavyweight Title Tournament. Bad Bird's natural abilities and Ninja skills will allow him to overcome most average competitors, until he reaches the top, and faces the #1 title contender: Bill Goldberg. Cheese himself plans to interfere in the Championship match, not only allowing Bad Bird to claim the WCW Heavyweight Title, but crediting him with something that no man holds a (legitimate) claim to: A victory over Goldberg. As Bad Bird's manager, Cheese will use his fame to skyrocket to the top of the wrestling industry, and then...THE WORLD!

Our furry feline heroes receive wind of this plot, and rush to put a halt to it. They arrive at Little Tokyo Arena just in time to view Bad Bird laid out upon the mat, an obvious victim of the infamous Goldberg Power Spear. As Goldberg prepares to finish him with the Jackhammer, Seymour darts into the ring with a steel chair, and smashes Goldberg over the back with it. The Cats quickly dash in to run Cheese off, but when Goldberg turns around, he sees only two things: An odd-looking group of cats, and a chair laying upon the mat. Bill is about to demolish our heroes, but is held back by about 50 members of WCW security personnel who have flooded the ring. He issues this challenge: Goldberg VS. All three Pizza Cats, next week, on the same program! Our heroes, being the honor-bound cats they are, have no choice but to accept.



Pros: Has previously held WCW titles, including that of World Heavyweight Champion. Has no neck. Has a large size and weight advantage over his opponents. Has the Jackhammer. Has an incredible reputation. Feels no pity, remorse, or fear. He's Da Man.

Cons: Smaller opponents have a slight speed and agility advantage. May have some personal reservations about striking Polly. Opponents are cartoons, and thus, resistant to many average forms of punishment.

The Pizza Cats

Pros: Smaller and faster than Goldberg. Able to take a pretty good beating, since they're animated. Have a lot of cool equipment and powers that Goldberg doesn't have.

Cons: Goldberg is about twice their size, and physically, a lot more powerful than they are (excluding Polly, perhaps). In the event that he ever got his hands on them, he'd pound them into jelly.

The Fan Base

The Pizza Cats have several hundred fans worldwide. This is impressive, since their show has been off the airwaves for a few years. Goldberg, however, has several MILLION fans worldwide. This is probably because he has at least one match at every major WCW televised event, and is still wrestling. If he had been retired for about three years, the odds here might be just a smidge more even.


The Faces

When in battle, our competitors will have certain facial expressions that will clue us in as to how concentrated they are on the fight. From team SPC, we have...

Meanwhile, from Goldberg...

Who are YOU more afraid of?


The Toon Factor

The SPC are animated and, as such, can take in massive amounts of punishment (anvils, missiles, nuclear detonation). While Goldberg may be able to stop bullets and some forms of transportation, this is simply out of his league.


The Finisher

After all is said and done, both sides need one spectacular move with which to finish off their opponent. For the SPC, this is most likely...

The Cat's Eye Slash

For Goldberg, there is a finisher so brutal, so devastating, that we can't even show it to you here. That finisher is...

The Jackhammer

This is a move where Goldberg picks you up and then slams you down to the mat with the force of a 60-ton weight. At least if you get hit by a CES, you might die a quick, painless death. After a Jackhammer, you won't be back on solid food for a while.


The Match

The Cats start out with a clever enough strategy: Rush Goldberg all at once, immobilizing him. Wrong. Bill's brute strength is just too much, and he lashes out to free himself, knocking Guido and Polly out of the ring, leaving only a dazed Speedy to defend himself. Within moments, Speedy is Power Speared right out of his hover-shoes, and then Jackhammered directly to the mat. Mind you, though none of this is really causing serious injury to the animated Speedy, the impact alone still knocks him silly, preventing him from getting up. 1, 2, 3. The match is over. Stick a fork in Speedy: He's done. Total elapsed time: Less than 30 seconds.


and still Da Man...



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