A mighty original plot :-)
A Qui-Gon/ Obi-Wan story
“Do I really, really, really have to come?“
“Padawan, I told you we would both go. Period.“
„Do I really, really, really, really, REALLY have to come?“
Qui-Gon closed his eyes for a second. „Padawan, if you want to be able to sit comfortably tonight, I suggest that you cut it right now.“
Obi-Wan sighed deeply. „Yes, Master.“
There was a momentary silence.
Then Qui-Gon asked in a strained kind of voice: „Padawan, how old are you?“
„Ummm, fourteen, Master.“
„Thanks for reminding me. It is hard to tell with the way you‘re behaving today.“
Obi-Wan scowled, but thought it wise not to reply.
An hour later, they were on their way to the reception at the Megalomanian embassy, Qui-Gon stearing the speeder. Obi-Wan still didn‘t see the point in going. He knew that his master had to attend, due to his diplomatic ties with the Megalomanians, but why did he have to bring Obi-Wan? Yeah, he had prattled about valuable experience, and useful contacts, and Obi-Wan‘s duty as a padawan to share his master‘s obligations ... huh! All Obi-Wan knew was that he was going to be bored out of his mind, while all his friends were going to watch holovids. Qui-Gon hadn‘t been impressed with that argument though. „You are a Jedi padawan,“ Obi-Wan mimicked his master under his breath in a mocking kind of voice. „Watching holovids is not as important as doing your duty. Being a Jedi means heroically facing the unpleasant. Bah!“
„What did you say, Padawan?“ Qui-Gon asked mildly from the driver‘s seat.
Obi-Wan scowled. „Nothing, master. Nothing at all.“
„Padawan, I suggest that you take that frown off your face. Or do we have to have another little discussion on your attitude before we get to the embassy? I can pull over any time.“
Obi-Wan hastily straightened his face. „That won‘t be necessary, Master.“
„Good. I suggest you keep your smart remarks to yourself during the reception, or you might end up regretting the day you met me.“
Obi-Wan shivered. He doubted that he‘d ever regret the day he had met Qui-Gon, but he didn‘t in the least doubt Qui-Gon‘s ability to make life extremely unpleasant for him.
For the rest of the drive, Qui-Gon attempted to enlighten Obi-Wan on some of the people they might meet at the reception, on their species and on the planets they represented. Obi-Wan listened at first, but after a few minutes of never-ending talk, he let his attention stray. Qui-Gon suspected that he didn‘t listen, but chose not to comment. He would quiz Obi-Wan during the reception, if there was an opportunity.
It turned out to be even more boring than Obi-Wan had feared. He stood beside his master, listening to polite small-talk, and trying to pull himself together and smile. Some of the people Qui-Gon introduced him to asked him stupid questions, usually treating him like a little child that was allowed to stay up late.
„Is this all that diplomacy is about?“ he hissed to Qui-Gon when they were getting new drinks.
„It‘s part of it,“ Qui-Gon murmured. „And it‘s not as useless as it may seem to you. I will tell you later what valuable information I have derived from all these talks. Maybe, if you paid a little more attention to what is being said, and how it is being said, you would notice it yourself. That might also prevent you from looking so bored, which would be a really good idea.“
In a loud voice, he added cheerfully: „Now, why don‘t I introduce you to the Zatritian Senator? Senator Arw-y-Myn! It‘s a pleasure to see you! Have you met my padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi?“
Obi-Wan could barely suppress a groan.
One hour later:
„So, this is your apprentice, Master Jinn?“ asked the Trullian ambassador in a sickly-sweet voice. „How charming! What‘s your name, young man?“
“Obi-Wan Kenobi, Sir.“
“And do you want to become a Jedi when you‘re big?“
„Yes, SIR,“ Obi-Wan brought out between gritted teeth.
„Well, that‘s nice,“ said the ambassador with a broad smile and turned back to Qui-Gon.
„Hoot patrucka, sleemo,“ muttered Obi-Wan under his breath. That was Huttese and meant something like „Fuck off, Slimeball“. Obi-Wan said it really, really quietly, and anyway he was sure that that dumb oaf wouldn‘t speak Huttese. Unfortunately, he was mistaken. The ambassador spun round and stared at him.
„I can‘t believe what I just heard,“ he growled.
„Umm, well, then don‘t,“ said Obi-Wan, trying to sound nonchalant.
//Padawan, NOT ANOTHER WORD.//
Qui-Gon looked the Trullian ambassador in the eyes, did a quick wave with his hand and said in his deep, calm voice: „My apprentice has not been rude to you. He has been the picture of politeness.“
The ambassador‘s eyes glazed over. He smiled vaguely at Obi-Wan and said: „Such a charming young man, your apprentice.“
„Indeed,“ said Qui-Gon serenely. „A bit on the shy side, perhaps. Obi-Wan, thank the gentleman for his compliment.“
“Thank you, ambassador,“ Obi-Wan brought out, radiating fury through the Force towards his master.
Qui-Gon seemed unmoved. He chatted amiably with the ambassador for five more minutes, leaving Obi-Wan standing beside him with an increasing feeling of impending doom. Finally, the ambassador said goodbye to them, and Qui-Gon set off through the crowd, Obi-Wan tailing behind him. His master was smiling serenely, nodding to people and stopping here and there for a word. All the while, he was scolding his padawan through their bond.
//Padawan, I‘m extremely displeased with your behavior. It was foolish, immature, and potentially dangerous. If Trullians weren‘t Force-sensitive, we‘d both be in deep trouble right now. Believe me, we will discuss this very thoroughly later on. However, there are three persons I will have to talk to before leaving. You will stay at my side, and you will be polite. Another lapse like this, and I will treat you in an infinitely more childish and humiliating way than any of these people might ever do. Do I make myself clear?//
//Yes, Master,// Obi-Wan replied miserably. He definitely didn‘t want to be escorted out of the hall by his ear or anything of that kind, and he knew that Qui-Gon was capable of carrying out his threat. So he pulled himself together and suffered through five more talks - there were two Senators in the way whom Qui-Gon couldn‘t avoid - without showing any of his inner feelings that by now amounted to dread. How could he have been so stupid? Qui-Gon would tear him to pieces!
When they were out of the hall, Qui-Gon walked towards their speeder in long, angry strides. Obi-Wan practically had to run to keep up. Only when Qui-Gon had started the speeder and they were coming out of the parking-lot, the Jedi knight said coolly: „I take it that you didn‘t listen to a word of what I explained to you about the Trullians during our drive here.“
„Umm... what? I DID listen... I think.“
“Really? You knew about their extremely sensitive ears? And about the fact that Huttese has nearly superseded Classical Trullian on their planet? And you still chose to say what you said? That shows extremely poor judgement on your part.“
„Uhhh... okay, to be honest, I didn‘t listen. I mean, I listened to part of it, but the part about the Trullians must have escaped my attention. The traffic was very loud, and...“
Obi-Wan gulped. Sith, this was going to be bad.
Qui-Gon drove them home wordlessly, and Obi-Wan kept quiet, too. He wasn‘t going to dig himself in any deeper!
They walked to their quarters in silence. When they had arrived in the living room, Qui-Gon finally turned to his apprentice, speaking as calmly and serenely as ever.
„Padawan, take your cloak and your boots off, and then come back here. We need to talk.“
„Yeah, right. TALK,“ Obi-Wan muttered sarcastically before he could stop himself.
„Don‘t push your luck, Padawan,“ Qui-Gon replied ominously.
Five minutes later, they were sitting on a meditation mat, Qui-Gon‘s piercing gaze fixed on Obi-Wan‘s face. Obi-Wan preferred to study his hands.
„All right, Padawan. Would you care to explain to me why you chose to insult the Trullian ambassador in Huttese?“
„Because I thought he wouldn‘t understand it,“ Obi-Wan retorted sullenly.
„Padawan, apart from the fact that you could have known that, had you listened to the information I tried to provide you with, Huttese is not an uncommon language in the galaxy. Cursing at a being you don‘t know anything about, in the mere hope that it won‘t hear or won‘t understand you, is an utterly stupid thing to do. But that was not what I meant with my question. Why did you deem it approriate to insult the Trullian ambassador AT ALL?“
„Because he treated me like a child, and I got mad,“ said Obi-Wan even more sullenly.
„Oh?“ Qui-Gon replied sarcastically. „And getting mad is an unchildlike reaction? I should think that your resentment at being treated like a child would encourage you to demonstrate how grown-up and mature you really are. Apparently it didn‘t. I must admit that I fail to see the inherent logic in your behavior tonight.“
Obi-Wan pouted. He hated it when his master talked to him like that. „But he ...“
„Padawan,“ his master interrupted him firmly. „We are Jedi. We try to stay in control of our emotions. What the Trullian ambassador said didn‘t justify an impolite reaction of any kind. It may have resulted from a misjudgment on his part, but not from bad intentions. You shouldn‘t have let it get to you at all.“
„Yeah, well,“ Obi-Wan grumbled, „if you hadn‘t made me come and spend my evening in the company of a load of dimwitted bigwigs, all that stuff wouldn‘t have happened.“ He knew he had made a mistake the second the words were out of his mouth, but he couldn‘t take them back. So he looked at his master defiantly instead.
There was a brief silence. Then Qui-Gon said very softly: „It is obvious that diplomacy is an art you are not even beginning to master. Very well then. I see that I have been too lenient with you. From now on, you will join me for every diplomatic event that doesn‘t interfere with your studies. That will give you plenty of opportunity to practice the kind of behavior that is expected from a Jedi. For example, we are invited to a concert in honor of the King of Alderaan the day after tomorrow. I hadn‘t intended to go, but considering the display you made tonight, it will be an excellent occasion to further your diplomatic training.“
Obi-Wan groaned. „Master, please! I‘d rather wipe the temple floors!“
„Padawan,“ Qui-Gon said mildly. „Wiping the temple floors won‘t teach you anything about diplomacy. Besides, this is a punishment. It‘s not meant to please you. No, don‘t say anything. My decision is final.“
He got up. „However, that leaves the question of how to avoid further incidents of the kind we had tonight at the numerous diplomatic events we are going to attend in the future. I think you need some enforcement to correct your attitude and help you keep a civil tongue in your head the next time you feel mistreated by some ambassador or other.“ He pulled out a chair and sat down. „Come here and bare your bottom, Obi-Wan.“
Obi-Wan blanched. /Sith! What did I get myself into!/
„Master, please! I swear I won‘t do it again!“
„Padawan, has pleading ever got you out of a punishment?“
Obi-Wan‘s face turned from white to pink. „No, master.“
„Then do what I told you, please.“ This was said very calmly, but with a hint of steel in Qui-Gon‘s voice that made it clear that he wouldn‘t tolerate any further delay.
Obi-Wan hastily pulled down his pants and underpants and then got over his master‘s lap, silently cursing his big mouth.
Of course the spanking wouldn‘t have been a Qui-Gon spanking without...
„Tell me what you‘re receiving this spanking for, Padawan.
*sigh* „Because I was rude to the Trullian ambassador?“
„That‘s correct. What else?“
„Uhhh...“ Obi-Wan‘s mind seemed to be blank. He couldn‘t think of anything.
A sharp slap to his upturned backside made him flinch and yelp.
„Think about your lack of information about the Trullian species, Padawan.“
„Oh. Ummm... because I didn‘t listen to the extremely interesting and enlightening lecture you gave me in the car,“ Obi-Wan said sarcastically. The next instant he was dumped on the floor, his master walking through the door to his own room with long and angry steps. Obi-Wan didn‘t even have time to get up before his master was back, carrying a paddle. The boy gulped and closed his eyes, once again cursing his stupid, stupid, stupid big mouth.
„If you think you can smartmouth me in a situation like this, you are very much mistaken,“ said Qui-Gon coolly, sitting down again. „Get back over my lap. Now.“
Obi-Wan hastily complied, at the same time pleading: „Master, I‘m sorry. I don‘t know what got into me. OUCH!“
Qui-Gon had given him a sharp whack with the paddle, and it hurt. A lot.
„Well, I don‘t know what got into you either,“ said Qui-Gon grimly, „but I intend to thoroughly discourage it from getting into you too often. Now, let‘s try that last part again. What are you receiving this spanking for?“
„For being rude to the Trullian ambassador, and for not listening to you on our ride to the reception, master,“ said Obi-Wan, trying desperately to sound respectful.
„That‘s two out of three, padawan. What about the order I gave you in the car, to keep your smart remarks to yourself during the reception?“
With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Obi-Wan stammered: „Uhhh... oh... I‘m sorry, master. I disobeyed you. But I didn‘t mean to!“
„If you didn‘t mean to insult the Trullian ambassador, why did you do it then?“
Obi-Wan didn‘t know what to answer. „I‘m sorry, master,“ he whispered again.
„I will see to that,“ Qui-Gon replied, lifting the paddle and bringing it down onto Obi-Wan‘s bottom with a resounding whack. He set to paddling his padawan‘s bottom in a steady rhythm, slowly turning it a deep shade of pink.
Obi-Wan tried to remain stoic, but completely failed - as usual, of course. His master saw to that. And the paddle hurt much worse than Qui-Gon‘s hand! After ten smacks, Obi-Wan was in tears. After twenty smacks, he was sobbing incoherently, thinking of nothing but the unbearable pain in his bottom. Nevertheless, Qui-Gon gave him at least ten more hard spanks until he dropped the paddle and started rubbing Obi-Wan‘s back soothingly.
Obi-Wan‘s sobs died down gradually. He started to hiccough. Qui-Gon patted his back gently and pulled him up carefully. Still failing to suppress his tears, Obi-Wan pulled his pants back up, wincing at the fierce pain in his bottom. He didn‘t think he‘d be able to sit in class tomorrow.
Qui-Gon handed him a hankie wordlessly. „Thanks,“ Obi-Wan mumbled, wiping his face and blowing his nose.
He looked at his master with tear-brimmed eyes. „I‘m sorry,“ he said. „I‘ll try to do better the next time.“
„I hope so,“ Qui-Gon replied with a slight smile. „I‘d hate to have a repeat performance.“
“Well, me too,“ Obi-Wan said with feeling.
Qui-Gon laughed and opened his arms for a hug. Obi-Wan fell into the embrace, a bit embarrassed. He thought he was too old for this. But on the other hand, it felt good to be forgiven.
When Qui-Gon tucked him in a little later that night, Obi-Wan asked in a very, very respectful and polite voice: „Master?“
Qui-Gon looked at his padawan‘s wide, innocent-looking eyes, and his mouth twitched.
“We‘re still going to that concert, padawan.“
Obi-Wan let out a deep sigh. „Damn. I thought it was worth a try.“