Tai Luva's Digimon Fanfiction

Mr. Tangerine Speedo

Chapter Two: How To Get Layed . . . er . . . Lei-ed On the First Date

(Subtitled- Dr. Ishida and Dr. Kamiya’s Guide To Women And Fiery Auto Crashes)

~~~ Flashback

*~*~*~* Change of Scene (either different time, or same time and different people)

Oh, in case you didn’t know, lei’s are those flowered necklace things you get when you go on vacation to a tropical place. Not that it makes a difference anyway, they’re not really mentioned in the chapter at all, I just liked the title :P (I’m soooo strange, just ignore me)

Davis stepped out of the taxi in awe. On the horizon was a beach of scantily clad girls just waiting to be charmed by the infamous Motomiya allure. Tai got out of the second taxi and stood beside him.

“Welcome to heaven boys. The angels are ours for the taking.”

“Ha!” replied T.K. grabbing both his own grey duffle bag and Kari’s huge green suitcase out of the trunk, “it’s more like welcome to hell.”

“Yeah,” agreed Matt, picking up Sora’s suitcase which was also massively oversized, “And the devils are making us carry their luggage.”

“I heard that honey,” trilled Sora cheerfully, stepping out of the third and final taxi. She seemed to be enjoying playing with Matt.

“Help me,” he mouthed, passing in front of the guys and out of her view. Davis almost felt bad for him. Almost.

*~*~*~*

“Excuse me?”

“Yes,” replied the girl, looking confused as to why Davis was talking to her.

“I lost my phone number, may I have yours?”

She narrowed her eyes slightly at first, then turned and walked away, laughing. The rest of the guys joined her. It was far more embarrassing being rejected by a girl when your entire group of friends were there.

“What kind of a pick up line is that?” asked Matt, still snickering, as they sat down at a table that had just opened up. Davis, Tai, Matt, Ken, T.K., Izzy, Cody, and Joe were at a bar called the Psychedelic Banana that was situated on the beach. Their group had checked into the hotel, changed into their swim suits, and headed right to the water - minus Kari, Sora, Yolei, and Mimi. The girls had actually wanted to unpack their suitcases.

“Come on,” Davis replied defensively, “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Oh yes,” laughed Tai, “Yes, it was. Girls don’t go for the whole desperate thing.”

“Then what do they like?” asked Ken, looking up from his Sprite, “I mean, sometimes I swear girls are an entirely different species than us.” For four years Ken had been trying to work up the nerve to ask Yolei out, but hadn’t done it yet, despite all of Davis’ prodding. Davis still wasn’t too particularly fond of Yolei, but Ken seemed to like her and he wasn’t about to discourage it as Ken’s best friend.

“Matt,” asked Tai, “do you think it’s time?”

Matt nodded solemnly and turned to T.K., Cody, Ken, and Davis, “It is. Several years ago, Tai and I were faced with the exact same dilemma as you boys are. You must swear to keep this information sacred, we’ve only shared it with a select few. In fact, the only people who know what we’re about to tell you are Joe and Izzy.”

“Alright, we swear,” Davis replied, talking for the whole group.

“Okay,” said Tai, “As Matt mentioned, we figured this out when we were about your age. We hold the key to what most girls want in a guy. It was a long process of trial and error, littered with many rejections and scoffs, but we finally figured out what to say to pick up a girl without having her laugh at you.”

“And that is?” asked Cody, looking semi-interested. He was still a little young to realized just how valuable this information was. Davis himself was sorry he didn’t have anything to take notes with.

“One: obvious pick-up lines, like the one Davis just used, are a complete and utter turn off to girls.”

“Right,” agreed Matt, “To get a girl’s attention you have to compliment her, but be subtle. If you come on too strong it scares them away. Two: be honest about yourself. If you lie . . .”

“It will always come back and bite you in the ass. Believe us, it’s happened. Right Dr. Ishida?”

“Of course Dr. Kamiya.” At this, the four older guys cracked up.

“What’s so funny?” asked T.K.

It was Joe who actually had enough composure to stop laughing first, “When we were in the ninth grade Matt and Tai picked up these twins at some dance by telling them they were geniuses and actually in college, studying to be doctors. For some strange reason, the girls believed them.”

“And then we were screwed,” laughed Matt.

“Yeah, with Izzy ‘registering’ us in the online college database and Joe helping us with medical speak, we managed to keep up the act for about two weeks. But then it got far too difficult. They kept showing up at the college campus and leaving messages for us, but of course nobody knew who the hell we were. Finally, they asked us one night . . . but were we smart enough to tell them the truth?”

“No. We did the only thing we could think of - deny, deny, deny. Then the next day we got Joe to call them pretending to be my dad to tell the girls we had died in a fiery auto crash.”

“Which worked out fine until we saw them at the next dance. Another tip for you guys, girls fight dirty.”

“And they are very, Very, VERY dangerous when they start thrusting that knee upwards. I was limping for a week.”

“Yeah, they we’re not too pleased with us. I believe they called us, and I quote, ‘insensitive lying little dipshits’,” laughed Tai, “Which brings us to the third point: girls want sensitive, caring guys.”

“But you also can’t try to be too sensitive, faking or not, or they think you’re an emotional basket case.”

“Yeah. Didn’t that one girl buy you a years worth of therapy or something?”asked Izzy, chuckling.

“I remember that.” said Tai. Mimicking a female voice, he continued, “Matt, you’re a great guy and all, but I just don’t think you’re ready for a relationship right now. You’ve got a lot of issues to deal with and I don’t think it would be fair of me if I forced you to continue on dating. Here’s the number of my mom’s therapist, I think he could really help you work some things through.”

“Shut up,” said Matt, downing the last of his drink. You could tell he thought it was funny too though, even if he didn’t want to admit it, “So I went a little overboard faking the sharing and caring thing.”

“But we discovered it wasn’t a bad idea,” agreed Tai, “If you can do it right, that’s the most important part of getting a girl. They seem to like to share their interests and family stuff and philosophies with guys. You have to at least make an effort to be interested and ask semi-intelligent questions.”

“Be careful though. Girls can tell if you’re not paying attention and just ‘uh huh-ing’ them.”

“Not only that, they’ll try and trip you up later by asking you something they said. If you can’t tell them, you’re screwed.”

“You know,” said Ken thoughtfully, “A lot of these tips end in ‘you’re screwed.’”

“You’re absolutely right, Ken,” said Tai, swirling the ice cubes around the bottom of his otherwise empty glass, “That’s basically the mantra you have to use when you deal with girls. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.”

“That’s reassuring,” he replied dryly.

“Hey, we never said our system was perfect. But this last tip we’re going to share will get you out of any problems you encounter with girls,” said Tai.

“Any problem?”asked Davis in amazement.

“Yeah, the most important thing to remember is . . .” Matt was interrupted as the waitress set a drink in front of him and Tai.

“There you go, sugar,” she said, smiling.

“But we didn’t order these,” protested Matt, furrowing his brow in confusion.

“I know. You see those two ladies down at the end of the bar? They told me to go get you two another drink.” Along with the rest of the table, Davis followed the waitress’ pointing and checked out the girls at the bar. They were amazing. The one was wearing a navy, one piece bathing suit and had long, chestnut brown hair pulled back into a casual ponytail. The other, dressed in a lime green bikini, had shorter, cropped curly blonde hair that hung in bouncy ringlets framing her face. They were both waving.

Tai’s eyes widened visibly and his voice raised half an octave in shock, “Those girls?”

The waitress smiled again, “Yes, those girls.”

“Uh, Tai?”

“Yeah Matt.”

“I think we have some new friends to meet.”

“I think you’re right, Mr. Ishida.” They both stood up from the table, “Bye guys, see you whenever.”

“But Tai, Matt . . . what about the thing you we’re going to tell us? The one that would help us out of any girl problem?” asked Davis. They were already gone.

“I guess it’s official then,” quipped Ken, getting up from the table, “We’re screwed.”

To be continued . . .

-Tai Luva

I think I’m going to call the next chapter, “I Love Myself . . . But Not In That Way . . .” or I might put a chapter in between for the DD girls called “Pizza And The Fine Art Of Seduction.” Hope to see you there ^_^ Thanks for reading and please review!

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